have played around with the introduction, a few changes here and there, shortened a little, and this is what has come out. I do feel that there are many more scenes that can be written to follow up, BUT, I don't really know for what market this would be aimed at.....any input apprecieted.
ME AND HIM.
PART ONE.
THE INTRODUCTION.
ME, IS A SIMPLE MINDED GUY WHO LIVES ALONE. AS ME IS TAKING A LEAK BEFORE GOING TO BED, ME HEARS A VOICE…
UNKNOWN VOICE (speaking angrily)
This guy is a LOSER…
ME (yawning, he turns his head around to the empty bathroom, then, in a sleepy voice)
Huh?
UNKNOWN VOICE (still speaking angrily)
That’s another day with zilch, I can’t believe it….
ME WHO IS NOW LISTENING, IS TRYING TO FOCUS ON WHERE THE VOICE SEEMS TO BE COMING FROM
UNKNOWN VOICE
God, if only I could talk to him, I’d show him a thing or two…
THE VOICE SEEMED TO BE COMING FROM ME’S LOWER QUARTERS
ME (looks down to his ‘you know what’ which will be referred to as HIM from now on, a questioning look was upon me’s face)
Excuse me…
HIM
It looks like I am a condemned man.…God, what have I done to deserve this?
ME now looking at HIM eye to eye
(Polite cough) Excuse me…what was that about a condemned man?
HIM (in a serious voice)
Are you talking TO ME?
ME (still looking at his penis, raises an eyebrow in disbelief)
I think so…wasn’t it you that mentioned something about a condemned man?
HIM
Yes I did…what of it?
ME
Oh nothing…but I believe I can hear you, that’s all
HIM (in a now happy voice)
YESSSSS….can you frigging believe it, I would have sold my soul to the DEVIL himself for this…
ME (prematurely finishes his leak, and is now frantically shaking HIM dry, mumbling to himself)
This cannot be happening to me, things like this don’t happen…
HIM
Well it is happening ALRIGHT, so get used to it…and by the way, DON’T SHAKE so hard if it’s all the same to you, I feel a migraine coming on
ME (is now starting to panic, a look of fright in his eyes, he screams)
Oh my GOD…I think I am possessed, I read about THIS on an internet site a while back…
HIM
Hey relax…you are not possessed…I am your FRIEND
ME (quickly puts HIM back into his pants, and pulls up his fly, he is panting hysterically)
That’s….that’s what they all say at first, then they take over your body and mind…and then, OH MY…
HIM
Don’t you think you are OVER REACTING a little?
ME
I need a priest….! God, help me..........!
HIM
Look, just relax ok....anyhow, where would you find a priest this time of the night?
ME, MAKES HIS WAY QUICKLY TO THE BATHROOM CABINET AND STARTS CHECKING HIS REFLECTION IN A DIRTY MIRROR. THERE WAS A SPELL OF QUIET
ME (finally checking his eyes)
Everything looks ok, but you can never be sure…
ME OPENS THE CABINET AND PULLS OUT A BOTTLE OF PILLS, DEPOSITING QUITE A FEW INTO HIS TREMBLING HAND
HIM
I wouldn’t take them if I WERE you, you don’t need them
ME (with a raised voice)
Yes, but you are NOT me, are you, well…at least NOT YET!
ME IS STARING AT THE PILLS IN HIS HAND
ME
Can you just PLEASE be quiet, PLEASE…!
HIM
Not until I give you a piece of my mind…..We have some SERIOUS issues to settle first
ME
But I don’t want a piece of your mind…and I have no issues with you
ME DOWNS THE TABLETS WITH SOME WATER FROM THE TAP
HIM (in a surprised voice)
Anyway…who ever heard of a self exorcism by use of a few aspirins?