Lottery Chav- Sketch
INT. SMALL CORNER SHOP. DAY
A CHAV TEENAGER ENTERS WALKS TO THE TILL AND PRESENTS THE SHOPKEEPER WITH A LOTTERY TICKET.
Chav
I got this lottery ticket from ‘ere an I winned da jackpot innit.
Shopkeeper (Looking at ticket in amazement)
What’s this again?
Chav
It’s me winnin’ ticket mate. Just give us the money and everyfing will be sorted.
Shopkeeper
You didn’t get this from here.
Chav
I ‘kin did. Are you calling me a liar or sumfin?
Shopkeeper
This isn’t a lottery ticket. It’s a post it note with lottery ticket written on the top with numbers written in blue felt tip.
Chav
It’s me ticket man. I got it from ‘ere ‘onest.
Shopkeeper (Spells out words)
L-O-T-R-E-E T-I-K-I-T. That’s how you spell it is it? You spell thunderball with an F do you? (Beginning to rant) Go away you little shit. I’m fed with the likes of you. It’s about time the law did something about you bloody lot. Bring back the birch and national service, that’s what I say. That’ll sort you bastards out.
Chav
Alright, chill out man.
Shopkeeper
And by the way, did you not know it’s a criminal offence to defraud the lottery. I’ve a good mind to call the police.
Chav
Please don’t . I’ve already got an ASBO
Shopkeeper
Give me one reason why not?
Chav
I’m sorry dad
Shopkeeper
Alright. Now go and have your tea. It’s alphabetti spaghetti.
Chav
Sorted. My favourite.
