British Comedy Guide

Schools becoming like high security gaol

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Steve Voyce

  • Friday 6th October 2006, 5:48am [Edited]
  • Newport City, Wales
  • 15 posts

A schoolgirl looks up from playing with her mobile, stands apart from her mates.

GIRL: Sings, to the tune of Peter, Paul and Mary`-`If I Had a Hammer.`

`It`s just like a slammer.
The same every morning.
I go home in the evening,
An` its like I`m on parole.
I`m sick of the cameras,
i`m sick of the secu-u-rity,
i`m sick of the searchings and the warnings
And the lectures in the mornings,
A-ah-all over this, schoo-oo-oo-ool,
oo-00-oo-ool...
When I hear that bell,
It`s like its ringing in a prison.
I just come to a decision.
It`s too much to stand.
I`m gonna bunk off
I`m gonna go a moo-oo-ching.
I`m gonna go a `hanging and a mooching
An` a hiding an` a hoochin`-
Away, away from this-schoo-oo-oo-ool, schoo-oo-ool.
If I had a fag,
I`d smoke it in the morning.
I`d smoke it in the evening-
ain`t going back to skool.
There`s too many cameras.
There`s too many war-ar-nings.
There`s too many bolts and locks,,
An` questions and warnings.
ah-ah-all over this, schoo-oo-oo-ool,
schoo-oo-ool.

(The other `kids` move forward and harmonise with the chorus)

Now I`m out of the slammer,
I won`t listen to the bell.
An` i`ve got a fag to smoke-
so I can just chill.
They can shove all their cam-ras.
They can stick all their war-ar-nings.
They can stuff all their cameras and their
warnings, and assembly in the mornings-
I`m out, I`m outta this-sch-oo-oo-oo-ool,
oo-oo-oo-ool,oo-oo-ool..fade (the end) :P steve voyce