I can't sleep because my head is too alive with thoughts about Sigur Rós... Why?! Why Sigur Rós?!
EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF ICELAND
PAN OVER BEAUTIFUL ICELANDIC SCENERY, SIGUR RÓS-ESQUE MUSIC PLAYS, WE ENTER THE MOUTH OF A VOLCANO; THEREIN LIES...
INT. A RECORDING STUDIO
SIGUR RÓS ARE LAYING DOWN THEIR LATEST TUNE, THEIR LEAD SINGER MAKES INDECIPHERABLE WHINEY NOISES
PRODUCER
Ókay, I'm góing to júst stóp yóú there! (Sorry, that's my little Pratchett-esque method of showing a comedy Icelandic accent there. Not appropriate for a script. I'll stop)
BAND STOPS PLAYING
JÓNSI (at no point stops singing)
What is wrong?
PRODUCER
It's just I... I'm not FEELING it!
JÓNSI
Not feeling iiiit?
PRODUCER
No, I'm just not...
JÓNSI
Whyyyy arrree yo-
PRODUCEROokay, okay. Let's just... let's just try something here. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to try that.
JÓNSI IS USING TWO CELLO BOWS TO RAISE BOTTLED WATER TO HIS LIPS, HE RELUCTANTLY NODS
PRODUCER
Okay, just... This time while you play; try visualising a beautiful Icelandic landscape. Can you try that? Can you all... (POINT TO PIANIST) Can you... start?
THE PIANIST SHRUGS AND BEGINS PLAYING THE INTRO
PRODUCER
Yes, alright yes. Yes, that's good. Just try and imagine all of the mountains with the icy peaks and... the warmth of the hot springs and...
DRUMMER
The copper factory?
PRODUCER
Try not to think of the copper factory
DRUMMER
I like the copper factory, Copper is my favourite metal...
JÓNSI ATTEMPTS TO SING BUT CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH THE DIALOGUE, HE GOES WILDLY OUT OF KEY
PRODUCER
Alright! Stop! Stopstopstop!
DRUMMER
Second from... Zinc. Zinc is... sexy...
PRODUCER
Stop!
DRUMMER
Sexy name...
JÓNSI
No good?
PRODUCER
No. No good. Okay, we'll try something different.
PIANIST
Different?
PRODUCER
Different, yeah. The landscape thing is a dud, we won't go there. This time... instead of the beautiful Icelandic scenery with the mountains and the hot springs blah blah blah... This time... imagine... a beautiful mp3 player...
THERE'S A PAUSE
DRUMMER
A... mp3 player?
PRODUCER
Yeah. Just an mp3 player on a white background...
PIANIST
Just an...
PRODUCER
Just an mp3 player...
PIANIST
Well okay...
THE PIANIST BEGINS PLAYING THE INTRO AGAIN
THE BAND START GETTING INTO THE ZONE
PRODUCER
Alright! Yeah! Good! Okay, yeah... keep thinking of the mp3 player... just slowly coming into screen...
DISSOLVE TO A SHOT OF THE SCENE THE PRODUCER IS DESCRIBING THEN DISSOLVE BACK
THE BAND START REALLY GETTING INTO IT, JÓNSI BEGINS SINGING
PRODUCER
Oh my God! It's beautiful! Imagine the mp3 player slowly rotating...
ANOTHER TANTALISING GLIMPSE OF TECHNOLOGY, IT LOOK EXACTLY LIKE A TV COMMERCIAL
THE BAND KICKS IT UP TO ANOTHER LEVEL (technical term for those in the music biz) JÓNSI'S SINGING GETS MORE INTENSE THAN EVER
PRODUCER
Yes! Picture that mp3 player!
WE ARE NOW FADING TO SHOTS OF THE 'ADVERT' EVERY FEW SECONDS, JÓNSI IS SO INTO HIS SINGING HE LOOKS AS THOUGH HE'S CROSSED INTO A HIGHER SPIRITUAL PLANE
PRODUCER
Imagine the... voice-over man talking about all the gigabytes and the... touch screen. Come on, guys you can keep this up: Only 8 minutes to go!
SUDDENLY, JÓNSI'S VOICE DOES SOMETHING VERY ODD, THE BAND STOPS PLAYING. JÓNSI LOOKS EMBARRASSED, TO EMBARRASSED TO SAY ANYTHING
PRODUCER
Jónsi, do you... need to be excused?
JÓNSI NODS
JÓNSI (remember he sings every line)
Thank yooou.
HE HOBBLES OUT OF THE ROOM. CLUTCHING HIS TROUSERS.
THE BAND STAND AROUND WITH NOTHING TO DO, THE DRUMMER ABSENT-MINDEDLY STARTS TAPPING, WHICH TURNS INTO AN EQUALLY ABSENT-MINDED TING TINGS COVER
DRUMMER (NOT EVEN FULLY CONSCIOUSLY REALIZING WHAT HE'S DOING)
Four letter words just to get me along...something something... a doop did ee do...
THE OTHER BAND MEMBERS AND THE PRODUCERS LOOK AWKWARD, THE DRUMMER KEEPS GOING, MISSING OUT BITS AND GETTING LYRICS WRONG AS HE GOES
DRUMMER
They call me Jane, that's not my name, that's not my name...
SUDDENLY THE PIANIST JOINS IN WITH A VERY SIGÓR ROS PIANO RIFF
PIANIST
Arrrrrre yoooou caaallling me daaaarrrrllliiiiing.
THE DRUMMER LOOKS UP IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, NODS AND BEGINS PLAYING MORE SERIOUSLY
PIANIST
Arrrreee yoooou caaaaaliiiing me heeeeeerrr
THE WHOLE BAND IS NOW JOINING IN ON WHAT'S TURNING INTO THE MOST OVERBLOWN TING TINGS COVER KNOWN TO MAN
PRODUCER
You... ytou guys are really embarassing yourselves right now. I... can't watch this.
Now the dilemma... do I click 'post thread' or do I look at this after eight hours or so of sleep and see if there's anything I can cut ou-oh, sod it.