Could I ask you please to have a read of this and let me know your thoughts...especially with regards to the strength of the ending. Thanks...

Air Head

by Rigid Bones

SCENE: WINE BAR.

CHARACTERS: GINA (rhymes with "diner") and FALLOPIA - rich idiots.

STYLE OF DRESS: Fashion Victim

Fallopia is sitting at a table, two cocktails already in situ. Gina totters in on impossibly high heeled platform shoes pulling ridiculously fancy suitcase on wheels. They greet each other:

FALLOPIA: Gina!

GINA: Fallopia!

*air kisses, they sit*

FALLOPIA: How was your journey?

GINA: OK. Until I got on the plane. And then...every passenger's worst nightmare!

FALLOPIA: What? The engines cut out and the plane started plummeting towards the ground?

GINA: No. An announcement: "If there is a doctor, para medic or nurse on board could you please make yourself known to the crew"! The air steward looked really worried!

FALLOPIA: Bummer!

GINA: Probably.

FALLOPIA: What happened?

GINA: Eventually someone owned up to being a para medic and went to help. You should have seen her in action. She took his pulse, his temperature, put her fingers up *picks up cocktail, stirs cocktail, and bites cherry off cocktail stick* in front of his face and asked how many he could see, gave him oxygen, the works.

FALLOPIA: What happened?

GINA: Well, she was completely blocking the aisle. The refreshments trolley was jammed up against the toilet door so there was no chance whatsoever of me having a Mudslide! And then we had to divert and make an emergency landing in Croatia!

FALLOPIA: Oh no! And the patient?

GINA: Dead on arrival.

FALLOPIA: Dead?

GINA: Dead. I wouldn't have minded but really, diverting the plane like that when she must have been pretty sure he wouldn't make it. I mean, it was obvious even to me and how much medical training have I had?

FALLOPIA: None.

GINA: Exactly!

THE END

Quite nice, you've got a good feel fro the characters and a couple of neat little jokes, but I don't really understand the ending. Or if I do, it's a bit crap.

I know everyone's suposed to make their sketches shorter all the time, it's like the rules round here, but I think you could play with these characters for a bit longer, the scene has potential.

It's not really a sketch it's a sort of narrated character piece OK if you like that short of thing
More a collection of passable lined in search of a purpose
So of your suggesting a few lines you could use in a longer longer piece kind of works
But as a sketch in its own right its a bit of a dead duck

Some really good lines, thought the pause for cherry eating worked well in this setting. Unless I'm missing something the end isn't anywhere near as strong as the rest of the sketch. Perhaps if it was a mocking piece on money-obsessed doctors whose mummies and daddies have put them through med school then you could invoke that?

Thank you everyone for reading and for your positive comments and honesty re flaws - all valued and appreciated. Cheers! x