So I'm looking for some feedback on what I've already wrote, plus some help with the ending.

This sketch was originally going to be shorter with just the first scene and the last scene, but I then just kept adding stuff and it become longer.

The help I'm asking for is what to do in the last scene, because what I had in mind, I'm thinking now needs a bigger pay off. You should understand better when you read it.

http://pc.celtx.com/project/hdC6APNWsDGY/view/http://celtx.com/res/dtfw5Yjwr7kp

Thanks.

Nice sketch. I think you're right. The last scene needs a bigger payoff. I'd ditch the whiteboard scene, keep it all shorter and come up with a twist at the end. Perhaps the other residents take out their revenge on Norris for keeping them awake? It's a nice setting though 'life in the old dog yet' / old people's home and all that.

Thanks.

But to be more clear, the last scene hasn't been written.

Sorry Leevil, I meant the last one of the scenes you'd posted up.
Thinking about it, you could probably turn this into a full episode of a sitcom. You'd have enough key characters and the comic possibilities with their families and friends etc, medications, trips out, etc etc are certainly there. Good luck with it.

Bump

Ah!