Scene 1
Ext: Day, A hill with a multitude of people all tucking into a hearty picnic style meal of bread and fish. Many people are shouting “It’s a miracle.” An official man is walking up the hill carrying a clip board.

Man: Excuse me Sir, are you the owner of this establishment?

Jesus: I don’t think I would call it an establishment as such. To be honest it’s a hill.

Man: Hmmm. Sir, I’m from the Department of Food Safety. And this hill has certainly not got a licence for the selling of food.

Jesus: Oh I wasn’t selling it. Just giving it away.

Man: You won’t last long in the trade with that approach young man. Anyway, you still need a licence.

Jesus: Its only a one off.

Man: You need a licence. We can do it now. How would define your establishment, a take away? A Deli?

Jesus: I don’t know? I’m just giving away some bread and fish.

Man: (Scribbles on form) Let’s call it a sandwich bar. How many employees do you have?

Jesus: Hmm well, I’ve got twelve followers.

Man: I couldn’t give two tosses about social media. I just hope they all have food hygiene certificates!

Jesus: I doubt it, although maybe Peter has. He was a fisherman. His world has been turned upside down recently, probably end that way.

Man: I’m not happy about that fish. Is it fresh?

Jesus shrugs shoulders

Man: One thing is for sure I can’t allow you to continue preparing it on that pile of stones. You haven’t even wiped them down.

Jesus: look I’m not going to be here tomorrow.

Man: You’re certainly not. I’ve just seen the filth under your finger nails. I’m putting a suspension notice on this little game.

Slaps a sticker on the ground. And walks off. Jesus looks mystified. Another man walks over and drops a pile of baskets at Jesus’s feet.

2nd Man: Hello Sir, I’m from the Department of Refuse collection.
Ends.

I'm surprised this one slipped by without any feedback. I really like the idea of Jesus being bothered by officialdom when he is going about his miracles, and liked the references to Twitter etc.
It could be trimmed at the end maybe as I don't think the refuse bit quite blends in neatly.

Its quite good more modern as well as old a nice mixture. Shandonbelle I have to agree this is worthy of mention and wonder why there is such little action or feedback in what is basically the initial creation section?

It's the way of Critique I think , peaks and troughs. There is a recent thread on that very question on the Writers Discussion somewhere.

It'd work well in a 'Life of Brian' type film.

I like this, it works well for me. I do like the last line, as I've often wondered what happened to the 5000 fish heads & bones after that meal. I guess maybe you could make it more obvious that this is what the punchline is about.

Good stuff BF
You're on form

It works for me, very clever.

Nice, but the social media gag seems a bit off theme, and the gag about Peter's cruxifixion is both a tad obscure and a bit clumsly set up.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Yeah, I did shoehorn one or two in that I shouldn't. One to keep and work on I think.

Like most of your sketches it's neat and economic and has some great ideas.

The won't last long line is very nice.

But you give it all a way in the first few lines, theres no real twist and theres too much space betwen jokes.