Hi all. Here are the first few scenes of an idea I had. Its a "Day In The Life Of" series which revolves around various "famous" people. In this instance Pinocchio.

MARIONETTE PUPPETS ARE SEEN DANCING.

V.O. PRESENTERV.O.) We all know the tale of the puppet who wanted to be a real boy, but what happened to that boy when he became a real man? Well today we shall find out, because this his story. This is the story of Pinocchio.

THEME MUSIC STARTS.

CUT TO:

Scene 1. INT. 46 BARKHAM CRESCENT - MORNING

PINOCCHIO IS SAT IN AN ARMCHAIR. HE IS IN HIS MID FORTIES, OVERWEIGHT, AND IN NEED OF A SHAVE. HE IS ALSO COVERED IN FAKE TAN AND HAS AN ORANGE GLOW ABOUT HIM. HE IS WEARING A PAIR OF RED DUNGAREE SHORTS THAT ARE FAR TOO SMALL, A PAIR OF CALF LENGTH BOOTS AND A SMALL POINTED HAT. HE IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE.

PINOCCHIOo I said to Michael, that f**king monkey's a fire hazard. The next thing you know the Lamar's enclosure is going up in smoke and Bubbles is pelting Macaulay Culkin with shit! Happy days.

PINOCCHIO STARES OFF WISTFULLY INTO THE DISTANCE.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Did you see much of him?

PINOCCHIO:What? Who?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Michael Jackson.

PINOCCHIO:Not after all that, you know, palaver. Besides I got too old.

PRESENTERO.O.V) How old are you?

PINOCCHIO:Well I was a puppet for twenty two years, and I've been a real boy for twentyone.

PRESENTERO.O.V) (LAUGHS) You're only twentyone?

PINOCCHIO:And? What's your point?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Nothing, it's just, you seem old beyond your years.

PINOCCHIO:F**king haggard you mean?

PRESENTERO.O.V) I wouldn't say that, no.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN FOR A CLOSE UP OF HIS FACE

PINOCCHIO:Let me tell you something. I've lived. I've done things you could only dream of. This body was made, not by God, but by a man. A sick and twisted man, who's only regret, was that once Social Services found out about me he had to stop rubbing me down with beeswax. Shame really as it's great for the complexion.

PINOCCHIO TAKES A BIG DRAG ON HIS CIGARETTE

PRESENTERO.O.V) They're aren't very good for you you know.

PINOCCHIO LOOKS AT THE PRESENTER OFF CAMERA AND THEN AT THE GLOWING EMBER OF HIS CIGARETTE

PINOCCHIO:It's strange, but when you've been made of wood fire holds a strange fascination for you.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Like a moth.

PINOCCHIO:Moth?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Attracted to the glow.

PINOCCHIO:You ever looked at a train track and wondered what would happen if you just stepped off?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Sometimes.

PINOCCHIO:Well it's like that. When you're made of wood fire is your worst enemy and greatest love. You just want to feel it's warm embrace. That and woodlice. Little f**kers just nibble away at you. Used to get lodged in my dungarees.

PRESENTERO.O.V) You ever get the urge to hug a woodlouse?

PINOCCHIOo I look like a weirdo to you?

THE CAMERAS ZOOMS OUT TO SHOW A FULL LENGTH VIEW OF HIM IN FULL "PINOCCHIO" DRESS

PRESENTERO.O.V) No. Just thought they might have the same effect as fire that's all. Its warm embrace and all that.

PINOCCHIOh the papers would love that! Can see it now! Ex Boy of Wood In Bestiality Charge. Brilliant.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Don't think they would count as animals as they're insects.

PINOCCHIO:Alright David Attenborough. We not all as savvy as you about which creatures it's ok to molest.

PRESENTERO.O.V) (FLUSTERED) I was just saying... I don't know which...

PINOCCHIO:You best stay away from my fish pond. There's Koi Carp in there that might set your ankle tag off.

CUT TO:

Scene 2. EXT. ASDA CAR PARK - MORNING CONT

PINOCCHIO IS WALKING ACROSS THE CAR PARK. CARRYING HIS BAGS FOR LIFE.

PINOCCHIOon't usually come out to do my shopping. Not since the incident. Usually do it online.

PRESENTERO.O.V) What incident?

PINOCCHIO:Nosy bastard aren't ya!

PRESENTERO.O.V) Just interested.

PINOCCHIO:Got banned from Pets at Home that's all.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Can I ask why?

PINOCCHIO:Nope.

HE WALKS IN SILENCE. THEY GET TO THE TROLLEY BAY

PINOCCHIO:You got a pound for the trolley?

PRESENTERO.O.V) Here you go.

PINOCCHIO:Thanks. The pockets in these shorts are too tight to carry change. The last time I did I had the imprint of the Queens head on my balls for three days.

HE RELEASES A TROLLEY AND THEY HEAD INTO THE SUPERMARKET

CUT TO:

Scene 3. INT. ASDA - MORNING CONT

AS THEY ENTER THE SUPERMARKET PEOPLE ARE SEEN POINTING AND SNIGGERING. PINOCCHIO MAKES A V SIGN AT THEM

PINOCCHIO:Arseholes.

PRESENTERO.O.V) That happen often?

PINOCCHIO:More often than not. (SIGHS) I used to be quite the celeb around here you know. A real local miracle. Now look at me! A middle aged freak show who can't buy fish food for fear of prison. (HE STARTS TO SOB LOUDLY)

PRESENTERO.O.V) Pinocchio people are staring.

PINOCCHIOSNIFFLES) Let the bastards stare! I've had enough! I get so lonely. That's why I did it.

PRESENTERO.O.V) Did what?

PINOCCHIO:I got drunk and decided to go looking for Jiminy. Stupid I know but when I couldn't find him I tried to force a waistcoat and top hat on some unwilling field crickets at Pets at Home. Staff reacted badly and threw me out after I took some of them hostage. Crickets that is not staff. I'm not mental.

PRESENTER: Obviously not.

It's an interesting idea but I lost interest half way through.

I really don't get what its about or what the joke is.

Sorry.

Fair enough. Thanks for looking.

I enjoyed it. As Sootyj said it's an interesting idea. The first half of the sketch was a good read, but I felt it drifted slightly once it got onto the supermarket.

Hi. Thanks for taking the time to look. Its not actually a sketch but the start of something longer. Its going to show his life during the course of one day.

I got as far as Michael Jackson is a pedophile.

Tthanks for looking

I liked it. The end bit was forced but the rest was quite good and worked well. With several thorough rewrites it could turn into a solid piece.

I think you should keep it short though. The idea will drag quite quickly. Short and sweet. I think it would work well as a running sketch throughout a sketch show.

Don't have Pinocchio explain "the incident". Quickly cut to a shop assistant at Pet At Home explaining what happened and then cut back to Pinocchio.