GRAMSTheme music to Autumnwatch
BILL ODDIEHi, this is Bill Oddie, welcome to MPWatch. This week, we'll take a look at the Labour MP as we remove him from his natural habitat of the Public House and place him on the streets to mix with normal people. Let's observe and see what he does.
F/XSounds of a Scuffle and a glass bottle being broken
BILL ODDIEIt's not looking good for our Labour MP, he's found the local off-licence and has downed half a bottle of Buckfast. He has just threatened a couple of American Tourists and smashed a bottle over the head of a local. This looks like trouble; the local was a Tory councillor. His friend has brought out his phone and looks to be calling the police. Let's see how our MP reacts.
F/XA Thud is heard followed by a scream of pain.
MPTake that you Tory Scum.
BILL ODDIEThe Labour MP reverts to his animal instincts and has head butted the Councillor. The councillor drops to the floor and the Labour MP is seen kicking him. His friend has taken his phone and started recording the beating. We'll check You-Tube later tonight for close up footage of the predator in action. Hold on, the police have entered the scene, let's see what happens.
F/XThe sound of a police siren is heard, then the sound of a car door opening.
MPYou can't touch me, I'm an MP, and we're above the law.
POLICEShut it, you scumbag, now get in the van or I'll club you with my truncheon
MPI'm an MP, touch me and I'll have your badge.
POLICEResisting arrest eh! Come here you.
F/XThe sound of someone being beaten is heard and a van door is heard closing.
BILL ODDIEAmazing, how the policeman swoops swiftly and with such brutal force, you wouldn't think that someone of that size could move so fast. I don't think we'll be seeing the Labour MP for a while in this area. Next week we'll be looking at the Liberal Democrat MP and see how they cope at their unnatural Habitat of a conference..