Holler at y'all.
My internet has been cut off so I don't get to post like I used to do back in the day (September).

I posted a comedy store clip in the choked, bombed and died thread just to bookend the whole sorry arc, and to give hope to other chokers, bombers and diers.

But anyway, here's my set from the weekend just gone (this was open mic set number 16 or 17) I'd like for anyone intrested in trench-level comedy to see it, and time permitting, if anyone has any opinions on how I could improve myself I would appreciate it, because you spend so much time locked in your own head it's a big help to know what people (who aren't friends) objectively think about your work.

(I hate the fact there's so much swearing in it and have cut it all out as it more a nervous tic than effective use of language to express a point. And, I blanked on the punchline to my very first joke about the atm)

Here's the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCDngcXAKaE
Thanks a lot

Good work JD!

If that is you when you are new at this then you have a bright future.

Loved some of the material and laughed a good few times.

Too many 'frittings' for my liking but then, I am a bit of a prude when it comes to comedians using it all the way through.

Great stuff - Clarence is it

Cheers for looking AJ.
Thanks Stephen, yeah the swearing's a little cringey looking back.
Cheers to the other 41 views from this site the clip got also.
Hope to take it down and replace it soon with a better link.

Jack, you said it yourself, way too much effing, but you carried it off, and you look comfortable up there, somewhat edgy but that is your persona I guess. The material was pretty good, though some of it, like the herpes bit, sunk. Lots of laughs though, you're a natural.

Really enjoyed it! Well done.

Quite a lot of your material isn't all that well observed and sometimes falls straight into crass. The better part of your set is when you tell stories that relate more to you and show us a bit more of your personality.

You're projecting the persona of a pretty dislikeable guy, you come across as a bitter loser and that's quite hard to pull off. This is alright, but you need to play around with it a bit more, no-one wants to hear a bloke moaning for 12 minutes, not when you're thinking "he probably would" the whole time when you stray into the darker stuff. Try not to come across too "for f**k sake" the whole time.

Slow down. Your accent isn't going to help you with wider audiences, so you've got to make sure your pace is spot on, that will come with practise.

There's talent there, absolutely, but you need to make sure that your set is tighter, less whingy and less sweary and a bit more thought out... (to appeal to me!)

Just re-read this, it comes across a too negative. I don't mean it to be, you're funny but you could be a lot funnier. Keep going though, absolutely talent there.

Thanks a lot ShandonBelle, I sensed the biting herpes satire sink slowly in front of my eyes, that's why I lobbed off the tag ('You try and trick yourself and tell yourself, maybe it's just a coldsore... But it's Never, just a coldsore.')

Thanks for clicking the link RichAdam, appreciate it.

Comedyoflife, thanks for watching and taking the time to type a response, it helped me think about my approach to future sets. In truth I'm still a below-par open-mic-er only a few months in, but hope to be good one day.

One thing I cringe at, and what makes me want to take a nailgun to my own face, is the way I've sort of fell into that trap of using hack pauses for timing like the million other clips you see with bits about facebook, text message etiquette etc. Hopefully that should be sorted come the next clip.

It is very brave of you to attempt stand-up while suffering from such debilitating Tourettes...

Sorry, but I really couldn't get past the overuse of the f-word. It served no comic purpose and used so frequently it fails to add emphasis and just becomes an annoying verbal tick. After about two minutes in all I could hear was someone from oop North shouting "f**king" at me.

If you really are a Tourettes sufferer I apologise now.

Saying f**k was just nerves, right? Ive been there.
Though you didnt seem nervous after a few minutes, so maybe you just like to f**king swear. Go dude.
Good set mate. Well done. F**k loads in there too. Id be interested to know how you go about learning your set? Do you type a script and learn or is it just from bullet points? Or maybe something else....!
Liked it anyway, Ive seen professionals with weaker sets than this. Just they know how to handle the nerves better.
Paul

Some killer material here Jack; I loved the 'polar bear', 'Jesus', 'Fathers For Justice' and 'Quiet Sex' bits.

Thanks Gerry, I'm glad you saw it because I always took your opinion and taste pretty seriously.

Paulcuz, cheers, I usually just write out a script and streamline into a list of bulletpoints and remember how one topic'll move into the next, but I change the order and content around depending on the setting/occasion. This was a really fierce crowd who ideally wanted comics doing a string of 'old school' gags, and one of the subsequent 'real' comedians died, there were no 'open spots' as such, the guy put me on as a favour, think that's why I felt nervous after I fluffed my first punchline after I missed a chunk out. I've done a couple more since and have a lot of opens booked for Jan so hopefully I'm beyond nerves in the future and I've stopped swearing through nerves and I've even stopped swearing where it reinforces a point because I'm realising some audience members don't like to hear it and I'm nowhere near the stage or quality where I can explain to them that if this was a church sermon I could understand why swearing isn't the right thing to do.

Timbo, I agree with you agreeing and repeating what I said in the opening post.

Quote: JackDaniels2 @ December 21 2011, 1:18 PM GMT

(I hate the fact there's so much swearing in it and have cut it all out as it more a nervous tic than effective use of language to express a point.

View original

I am from oop north, but even I, in my thickskulled, blistered knuckled own way, could sense a patronizing passive-aggressive c**tiness* in your reply that makes me think me and you may part company when it comes to sense of humour, regardless of whether I swore, threw pies at clowns or sang a hymn to express a point.

*Hopefully the swearing filter blocks that one out.

Quote: JackDaniels2 @ December 30 2011, 1:56 PM GMT

Timbo, I agree with you agreeing and repeating what I said in the opening post.

View original

Oops should have read the OP properly.

I am from oop north, but even I, in my thickskulled, blistered knuckled own way, could sense a patronizing passive-aggressive c**tiness* in your reply that makes me think me and you may part company when it comes to sense of humour, regardless of whether I swore, threw pies at clowns or sang a hymn to express a point.

*Hopefully the swearing filter blocks that one out.

Actually I have quite a bit of time for you. Try not to be so sensitive - it makes you come across as a chippy Northerner.

Leaving aside the swearing (which I don't have a big issue with, although it adds nothing to your set) I thought the first 6 minutes or so were very entertaining and full of a lot of well thought out, clever and funny observations. After that, when you got onto your girlfriend, etc. it became a bit 'ranty'.

I much prefer it when a comedian builds up or leads up to something at the end which leaves me with a big laugh. And your end joke felt a little familiar - sorry.

But for someone who is just starting out I thought it was brilliant. Well done.

Okay, so as not to be labelled a c**tish, patronising southerner, I had another listen and tried to filter out the swearing (which in fairness is probably less intrusive live.) Best gag is the wanting children/custody battle one - a properly constructed gag that I wasn't expecting.

There is a lot of gross out humour, which I am not a big fan of as overdone it gives you nowhere to go; it is the gross out gag that comes from leftfield that gets the big laugh.

Best routine was the quiet sex/disposing of the body one - a familiar situation (well, the quiet sex bit) that the audience can identify with, but then built upon to the point of absurdity, so you take the audience on a journey with you. I would suggest working that up and making it the core of the set.

Hopefully you will post another vid where you are less nervous and less sweary.