Hi guys - all this talk about new sketches and possible sketch show got the old juices flowing. I came up with the following sketch today (yes - I should have been working but I really couldn't be arsed) - any feedback / thoughts would be appeciated.
Cheers,
Andy W

WE ARE FOCUSSED IN ON A MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE SITTING AT A TABLE IN THE CORNER OF A RESTAURANT. THE WALL BEHIND IS A MIX OF DRAPED ANIMAL SKINS AND WILDLIFE PICTURES. A YOUNG, WELL SPOKEN, SMARTLY DRESSED WAITER APPROACHES AND ADDRESSES THE GENTLEMAN.

WAITER
Are you ready to order Sir or would you like a little more time?

MAN
We are somewhat concerned with the menu – is this some sort of gimmick?

WAITER
Not at all Sir. What seems to be the problem?

MAN
Well, for instance, Medallions of Manatee served on a bed of Madagascan leaves with a Chinchilla chutney. Are you serious?

WAITER
Completely Sir – a very popular dish.

WOMAN
And what about your Snow Leopard Lasagne – you must be kidding.

WAITER
Certainly not Madam.

MAN
And then there’s this one – Fillet of Panda drizzled with Gibbon gravy and served in a Turtle shell.

WAITER
Ah yes, Panda steak - our top seller Sir. Our chef recommends you have it rare.

WOMAN
(SARCASTICALY) Is there any other way?

MAN
(READING DOWN THE MENU) Pan-fried Panther, Siberian Lynx Stroganoff, Barbecued Black Bear, Elephant escalopes – the list goes on. Do you have any idea how endangered these animals are?

WAITER
All the more reason to take advantage of such delicacies while we still can Sir.

WOMAN
Well, we’re here now and I’m starving – but I really can’t bring myself to eat any of this. Let me see (SHE SCANS THE MENU). Ah, here we are, I would like the Tiger Prawns as a starter please.

WAITER
I’m afraid that was a typing error Madam - it’s Tiger Paws.

MAN
Oh for God’s sake.

WOMAN
(POINTING TO THE MENU) This sounds more like it – I’ll have the Aberdeen Angus Surprise please, medium rare.

WAITER
An excellent choice Madam, Rhino it is.

MAN
(SHAKING HIS HEAD) Why am I NOT surprised.

WOMAN
How about some fruit, you MUST have some fruit?

WAITER
Eqyptian Fruit Bat Madam?

MAN
What about the Chocolate Mousse – can’t get safer than that.

WAITER
Bad spelling I’m afraid. We really should have typed in ‘Elk’ to prevent confusion.

WOMAN
Nothing to even snack on? I see there are Monkey Nuts on here.

WAITER
I have a feeling you wouldn’t want those Madam.

MAN
Is there not anything on here you could recommend?

WAITER
(LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF ANYONE IS NEARBY) To be honest with you Sir, there isn’t. I wouldn’t eat any of this stuff myself.

MAN
I’m glad to hear it.

WAITER
Please don’t tell the Manager Sir as I need this job - I’m saving up for my dream vacation and it really is quite expensive.

MAN
Your secret’s safe with us son. Where do you plan on going?

WAITER
Whale hunting around Alaska Sir.

Haha very good I like it. Very funny, one bit I would take out though is the second time you mention a 'typing error' because you've already used the 'typo' joke once and it worked well enough already on its own.

I like the pay off as well, would've been even better if he said 'Clubbing baby seals in Alaska'.

When I was reading it I wasn't expecting that pay off so that is a good thing, I was thinking at first the waiter might have said something like:

WAITER
Well we do have some Pot Noodles (or any other disgusting food) in the back

MAN
Oh My God...on that thought..I'll have the Pan Fried Panther

Keep up the good work buddy, also when you have a chance check out my 'Street Theatre 1st Draft Sitcom Script'.

Thanks for the feedback Martin - I see where you are coming from with the second 'typo' mention - I should have left it out. I had other lines that I could have replaced it with so may do this in a re-draft - hopefully I'll get more feedback before doing this in-case It ain't worth my while!
Cheers,
Andy

I generally liked it. I did think it was a little over written and agree that the repetition of the typo joke needs to be reworked. Amusing though.

I like the tiger prawns/paws joke. You could add similar jokes and then have the waiter say something like, thats what you get when you use child labour, explaining why there are typos and upping the anti. I would just add more jokes about the immoral nature of the restaurant e.g staff are paid in blood diamonds, slaves eat half price etc. If you do add more jokes you should merge some lines to keep the sketch a reasonable length without cutting jokes.

If you want a different ending you could have the customers ask at the end for an endangered dish like tiger penis or something which isn't available. Then it would become apparent that they are shocked because that dish is not on the menu not the fact that the dishes are endangered animals. Just a thought.

Nice sketch. I liked it.