Scene:1 int car

A middle aged bloke sits behind the wheel of his car, he pulls up suddenly at some traffic lights and swears loudly cursing his luck, he waits impatiently before setting off at speed, he see a pedestrian crossing in the distance, several school children are waiting, one of the kids presses the stop button, they then cross the road withouot using the crossing, as the car approaches the crossing the lights change to red, this infuriates the bloke even futrher, the lights eventualy change and the flustered bloke screeches off and immediatley hits a pot hole wrecking his weel.

Bloke:

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING BOLLOCKSING TWAT BASTARD FUCK FUCKER! why...why, what the f**k, why would this happen, I must have been some kind of bastard in a previous life/, Jesus!

Scene:2 int bathroom

Middle aged bloke is sat sharing a bubble bath naked opposite Adolf Hitler, Hitler is digging a key into a small bag of Cocaine, Hitler then placer the quay under the blokes nose who takes a huge sniff

Bloke: Yeah but honestly mate, I really wouldn't bother what people say, they aren't your real mates are they, I think your the man

Hitler: Really, your not just saying that

Bloke: Come on, really, why would I make something like that up

Hitler: Really, well thanks, sometimes you just get a bit paranoid don't you

Bloke: Yeah course you do, but no need honestly, ignore Churchill, he talks out of his bum hole most of the time.

Hitler takes a huge sniff and coke and re adjusts his hair which has fallen over his face

Hitler: I'm thiking of pushing east what do you think

Bloke: Yeah go for it man......you've git some stuck in your mustache,that's a cool mustache....can I have some more of that please.

I didn't really laugh at the sketch, but thought it was a decent idea. Just not executed as could as it could be. The action lines at the start with the kid and traffic lights etc was so long winded. Surely you could do something much clearer and simpler, then have the line at the end be "Must have been a bastard in a previous life", then go into the Hitler bit.

The Hitler/Bloke dialogue wasn't as funny as it could be. On the whole a decent idea for a sketch, but it's let down by dialogue which could be cleverer and funnier, shorter and sharper.

Overall though, I have a genuine respect for anyone who posts material on comedy sites, for critique. So, well done for doing that.

Thanks and agreed, not my best effort,that's what you get for giving sometihng 5 minutes of thought before writing it, lazy!

Cheers.