Doctor: Ah, hello Mr Johnson. What seems to be the problem?

Mr Johnson: Yes, I've got a dry cough, patches of irritated skin, and rather sore eyes.

Doctor: I see, and how are you feeling in yourself?

Mr Johnson: A bit lethargic, if I'm being honest, Doctor.

Doctor: Hmm. Well, let's have a quick look at you then.

[Doctor performs a perfunctory examination]

Doctor: Hmm. Oh dear.

Mr Johnson: What's wrong, Doctor?

Doctor: You appear to have contracted the "zombie virus".

Mr Johnson: Zombie virus?

Doctor: Yes, it's going around at the moment, I'm afraid.

Mr Johnson: Oh dear. Is it serious?

Doctor: It's quite serious, yes. Have you been bitten recently?

Mr Johnson: Bitten?

Doctor: Yes, by a person? The virus is usually transmitted through bites.

Mr Johnson: I don't remember being bitten.

Doctor: Then it's likely you died a few days ago without realising it and have actually been walking around in what we doctors call an "undead state".

Mr Johnson: That doesn't sound very good. Is there anything you can give me for it?

Doctor: Well, the recommended treatment is usually to remove the head or destroy the brain.

Mr Johnson: Right...

Doctor: Yes.

Mr Johnson: Sorry, was that just one of those little jokes you doctors like to make?

Doctor: No.

Mr Johnson: I see. So what's the prognosis?

Doctor: Well, provided you keep yourself fit, roam aimlessly about a bit - no running though! It's best to keep at a sort of slower than walking pace...

Mr Johnson: Okay...

Doctor: And you may need to make some dietary changes. No more fruit and vegetables. Stick to human flesh and internal organs from now on. Provided you follow those guidelines there's no reason why you couldn't go on for...ever...

Mr Johnson: But I really don't feel well. What quality of life will I have?

Doctor: Mr Johnson, if it's any consolation, there's a lot of it about at the moment. It's been all over the news. I'm surprised you haven't heard about it...

Mr Johnson: I haven't been able to get a signal on my TV for days.

Doctor: Oh? Really? They must have infiltrated the TV stations and killed everyone. That's quite usual. Now, is there anything else I can help you with today?

Mr Johnson: Er, well, yes actually. You see, I've got this rash on my scrotum...

Doctor: Get out of my office, you pervert.

Great idea (albiet zombies not to original)

But the pace is too slack and the intro too sudden

I like it a lot, except the last bit. Maybe some joke about getting treated for the virus on the NHS --- waiting lists are so long, but luckily you'll live (as it were) forever --- providing no-one cuts off your head with a machete!

Trollheart --- butting into other people's sketches and riding bandwagons since 2010...

I was enjoying it until near the end. I really didn't like the last line. After the doctor has given the dietary advice, I would have Mr Johnson say, "human flesh?" and the doctor say, "yes", but he nervously looks around and picks up a chair to fend him off, then says, "Nurse, machete", and his nurse chases him out of the surgery with a machete.