Joe is visiting his Grandma at a Care Home.

Grandma: You know, dear, your brother was showing me one of those computer videos the other day. It was terribly unhygienic.

Joe: I thought I told you not to watch anything he shows you, Gran.

Grandma: Oh it was nothing compared to what we used to do in college!

Joe: ...Ok Grandma I think you need some rest alright?

Grandma: Well I wanted to tell you about the video darling. Its been bugging me terribly - I can't rest.

Joe: (hesitantly) Ok, tell me then.

Grandma: Well, there was two girls in a room, not wearing much.

Joe: Right..

Grandma: And then one of them gets out a cup.

Joe: (in his head) What the hell has Pete done?

Grandma: And she's caressing it in a very sexual way, Joe, I'd never known such a thing.

Joe: (in his head) Oh f**k, oh f**k.

Grandma: And then the one with the cup goes over to the sink and fills it with water. And she drinks it.

Joe: (in his head) Oh f- I don't remember this bit..

Grandma: So then once she's drunk it, the other girl uses the same cup! Had they never heard of washing it, Joe? Honestly. (She shifts a little and closes her eyes)

Joe: Yes, sounds horrible, Grandma. (smiling to himself)

Grandma: Well not that bad.

Joe: I guess not. (Beaming a relieved smile)

Grandma: - I'll tell you what is bad. Yesterday Maureen wheeled her chair into the day room and asked me to film her taking it from that handsome young care worker..what's his name? Oh yes, Andrew, I can't think of anyone here he hasn't ploughed.

Joe: What?!

(Joe looks round and sees Maureen smiling back at him)

Maureen: He was ever so big!

Its a nice little sketch, felt a little obvious to me though.

I'm sure there is some sort of twist in there though, if you wanna be really sick:

Grandma: - I'll tell you what is bad. Yesterday Maureen wheeled her chair into the middle of the day room and Arthur, Gerald, and John all came on her face.

Haha, that's great. Thanks for the feedback Jon, I added a few more bits and improved it, let me know what you think.

I like the "he was ever so big" line.

Thanks a lot, I was thinking of adding that maureen looked up from her crossword maybe too much?

Joe is visiting his Grandma at a Care Home.

Grandma: You know, dear, your brother was showing me one of those computer videos the other day. It was terribly unhygienic.

Joe: I thought I told you not to watch anything he shows you, Gran.

Grandma: Oh it was nothing compared to what we used to do in college!

Joe: ...Ok Grandma I think you need some rest, I'll take you up.

Grandma: No, no. I wanted to tell you about the video darling. Its been bugging me all week.

Joe: (hesitantly) Ok, tell me then.

Grandma: Well, there was these two lovely girls alone in a room. They weren't wearing much, Joe you would have liked it! Remember when I used to catch you looking at the third page of The Sun when you came over?

Joe: (blushing) Gran.. I never did that?

Grandma: You can't kid a kidder young man! So anyway, these two girls. One of them gets out this cup.

Joe: (in his head) What the hell has Pete done?

Grandma: And she's caressing it in a very sexual way, Joe, I'd never seen anything like it! - Well, apart from in -

Joe: - college?

Grandma: Yes! Right so one of the girls takes the cup...

Joe: (in his head) Oh F**k, Oh F**k!

Grandma: And then she goes and fills it with water..

Joe: (in his head) Oh F**k, Oh - I don't remember this bit?

Grandma: And then when she's done with it, the other girl drinks from the same cup! Disgusting Joe!

Joe: (relieved) Yes, sounds horrible, Grandma. (smiling to himself)

Grandma: Well not that bad. (Grandma shifts slightly and closes her eyes)

Joe: I guess not. (Beaming a relieved smile)

Grandma: - I'll tell you what is bad. (opening her eyes) Yesterday Maureen wheeled her chair into the day room and asked me to film her taking it from that handsome young care worker..what's his name? Oh yes, Andrew, I can't think of anyone here he hasn't ploughed.

Joe: What?!

(Joe looks round and sees Maureen smiling back at him)

Maureen: He was ever so big!

Thats the improved one let me know if you think its better/worse