[To be read in the style of Stanley Holloway].
Dear Doctor,
The glass eye you fitted last Monday
seemed OK at the time, I suppose
but I didn't suspect how ill-fitting it was
'til on Wednesday, when I blew my nose!
Now the glass eye got lodged in my nostril,
reducing my intake of air.
I passed out for a second and when I came round,
realized it was no longer there.
I very soon found to my horror,
though the chances must be quite remote,
that this mobile glass sphere, which was no longer there,
had now become stuck in my throat!
At this point I acted in panic
because, down my throat [if you follow],
two fingers did stick, so to make myself sick
but instead, only managed to swallow.
It must have spent time in my kidneys
but managed to pass it's way through,
as I was creased up in pain, trying time and again
to piss out the eye in the loo.
Once more, I encountered a problem,
as my penis seemed rather too small -
but the use of both hands whilst contorting my glans
allowed me to pass the glass ball.
I shall come in to see you Monday,
with my one eye, still good, as before
and demand you supply a larger glass eye
so I suffer such happenings no more.
Love it!