[A man is pitching his television idea to the BBC. He has long hair and slightly protruding teeth. He also has a large flipchart with him. There are 3 BBC executives in the room sat down behind a table]

Pitcher: The name's George McForb and we're living in a time where Television show revivals are becoming more and more popular. So I bring to you the greatest television show comeback ever...

[BBC Boss 1 interrupts the man]

BBC Boss 1: We're more into coming up with new, fresh ideas rather....

[Pitcher interrupts the BBC Boss 1]

Pitcher: Ber, ber, ber, ber. I bring to you...[Turns over flipchart sheet] The
return of the little girl and the clown!

BBC Boss 1: What?

Pitcher: The little girl and the clown! We're bringing it back! For 70,000 hours they were stuck on that game of naught's and crosses, it were more tense then any chess game, both of them petrified of making the next move. For 30 years millions were glued to their screens, it was unmissable telly!

BBC Boss: I'm sorry; this is completely not what we're looking for.

Female BBC Boss: Hold on Joe, continue, how long would each episode be?

Pitcher: Seven hours. Every day.

Female BBC Boss: Yes, no, I like it. It's cute, it's fun, it's edgy.

BBC Boss 1: Are you crazy? It's just a little girl and clown playing naught's and crosses! How is that edgy?

Pitcher: That's where you're wrong my good man, in 2009 they're no longer playing naught's and crosses, they're playing...[turns over flipchart sheet] sudoku!

BBC Boss: For seven hours a day?

Pitcher: It's a tough Sudoku. I'll give you that.

BBC Boss: This is stupid! People will switch off!

Pitcher: Did I mention we're gonna shoot this version...live?

Female BBC Boss: I'm sold!

BBC Boss 3: Me too!

BBC Boss 1: You guys aren't serious? I'll eat my hat if this lasts 5 minutes! I mean this is crazy!

[6 MONTHS LATER]

[On the BBC news]

BBC News Reporter: ...and today's main story. There were power surges all around Britain last night as seemingly the entire nation tuned in to watch the little girl and the clown. An estimated 58 million saw the bafta winning clown fail to complete his first Sudoku line on the board, they've been playing the same Sudoku game for 114 consecutive days now. In other news BBC exec Joe Stevenson tragically died earlier today seemingly suffocating after eating his hat. His funeral arrangements will be arranged for...I interrupt this report for a very important bulletin. The little girl has just put down a seven! I repeat; a seven! In all my days as a newscaster, never have I witnessed something like this!

[END}

I liked this exchange:

BBC Boss: For seven hours a day?

Pitcher: It's a tough Sudoku. I'll give you that.

I quite like the idea, but think you need some more jokes in it.

It's good and it's an excelent idea, but be more confident that it's funny. The last line is a bit pointless and you kinda over explain.
But it's a good sketch.

Okay cheers, I admit I kinda rushed this one. Basically, I'm trying to brainstorm and write a few sketches in one go, and I kept on thinking of ideas, but then leaving them...so I just felt I just needed to complete one, and if I want to improve it I can always re-write bits.

I'm planning on writing hopefully around 5 good sketches tomorrow from nothing (I'm on a submission deadline for a friend who's giving me an opportunity on something, I just wanted to get a few rough ideas out in the open before I go ahead with things.

I like this sketch. Some slight niggles along the way but a good idea all the same.

If you're looking for an area to focus on for a quick improvement I think Sootyj has it right here:

Quote: sootyj @ August 10 2009, 12:55 AM BST

The last line is a bit pointless and you kinda over explain.

View original

Okay thanks for the advice.

In my head I was thinking this would be a pre-quel sketch to another one which would basically be a film trailer to a film about the little girl and the clown card. The trailer would obviously be over-dramatic to stupid degree, with an exaggerated voice over and hopefully some so stupid they're funny lines in there aswell. Kinda similiar to how Kevin Bishop sometimes parodies film trailers.

However, I also felt maybe the audience doesn't need this prequel sketch, maybe seeing a film dedicated to such a niche media item would be funny enough.

I think this a nice idea actually. Maybe there's room to be flesh out the earlier stuff with a few little gags, then trim down on the ending as others have said. Maybe in that first line from the pitcher "this will be the biggest comeback ever" could be come something along the lines of "this will be the biggest comeback since..." then work in some funny line there.
Also, maybe you could take the interested female exec a bit further, have her chipping in her reasons for support to her colleague. I like the way they each either love it or hate it, but it might be funnier to have her be a bit more vocal.

Glorious idea, but as others have said you have not quite nailed it. I think the advice to develop the enthusiastic execs and trimming the end is about right. Little things can help, for instance if you keep the hat reference use a funny word synonym in the punch, e.g. "In other news BBC head of light entertainment Joe Stevenson died tragically earlier today after having seemingly choked on a homburg."

That's a very good idea Luke.

The strongest joke here seems to be the suduko reveal, imho.

Not sure the newscast is necessary.