Sorry, this one is a bit disgusting.

MAUD (WINNER OF THE MOST HORNY PORN STAR AWARD 1940) ANSWERS YOUR SEX AND RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS-

Dear Maud

I absolutely hate going down on my Mrs. I think I would actually find it quite pleasurable if it was shaved or waxed down there but my woman seems to be growing a mini forest over her lady bits. I feel my situation is very similar to a duck bobbing its head under the water in a murky lake; the only difference is the duck is looking for fish whilst I’m searching for pussy. It takes me ages to find it as well because I have to keep coming up for air. It would be easier if I was a monkey because at least then I would be used to the tree-like environment; I just get tickled with her prickly bush. It is so overgrown sometimes I expect a baby pigeon to fly out. The worst part of all though is getting a mouth full of cheesy hairs; if I want some grub I’ll make a ham sandwich thank you very much. I just don’t understand why my girl has to keep her muff in such a state, I’d knit her a pom pom if she is that bothered about having one.

Maud: Having a nest is actually natural for a woman but keeping it tidy is optional. Clearly your lady is a fan of the “just got up” look. My advice is to be frank with her. Tell her that you would rather lick out a gone off lemon than her and then she might get the message. If she doesn’t take the hint after this go down there yourself and foam the afro minge up. Run a razor over her hairy Mary then once the area is smooth put the blunt shaver down and give your bitch a tongue twirler she will never forget. If you are really unlucky and get caught red handed before any of the weeds have been removed just wear a gas mask in the future; ask a grandparent for one.

I'm not sure what to make of this, I'm afraid. I'm guessing it's a parody of the kind of thing you get in lad's mags? If so I'm not sure those articles aren't already parodies in themselves which I think lessens the impact of this. It's not to my taste (perhaps not the best choice of expression given the subject) but I'm probably not the target audience. Maybe if some of the euphamisms were a little less obvious and more imaginative then it might add to the humour?

Bo.

Quote: Martin Bickle @ August 18, 2007, 12:13 PM

the only difference is the duck is looking for fish whilst I’m searching for pussy.

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Missed out on an easy joke there....something like "they both smell of fish, but the duck's the only one getting something nice to eat at the end of it"....obviously that could be worded better like...

Bit bland really. Ali G did this kind of thing well but it was the way he did it.

Agree with Dave H. I think that this sort of thing is better in a magazine or spoof publication. If it is acted out, it should be by a character well known for his predictable responses like Ali G.

Thats true, it would probably only work in a magazine. Thanks for reading