Thought I'd introduce myself with this.

INT Living room
RICHARD-
Look Judy, i've been thinking. Perhaps we should start working on solo projects, you know branch out a bit
JUDY (drunk, swigging on a bottle of wine. Top open showing bra) –
Oh don't need me anymore? I made you, you little twat.
RICHARD –
Now come on Judy don't be like that, we're still married
JUDY –
Married? That implies some sort of relationship, f**king hell I don't even know what your cock looks like you could be like action man down there for all I know.
RICHARD –
We have 2 children
JUDY –
They're Schofields, now there's a real man.

Enter two kids with grey hair

Hello Pedros. Made me chuckle. There's definitely something funny in their kids having the shade of Schofield. But the last part, although an amusing visual image, doesn't carrry any surprise. Maybe:

JUDY
.....you could be an action man down there for all I know.

RICHARD PICKS UP A FRAMED FAMILY PHOTOGRAPH

RICHARD
Errr, what about our 2 children then? [SHAKES HIS HEAD AT JUDY]

DOOR BELL RINGS. WE SEE PHILLIP SCHOFIELD WAITING OUTSIDE. RICHARD PUTS THE PHOTO BACK. A CLOSE UP OF THE PHOTO REVEALS TWO 'GREY HAIRED' CHILDREN. AS RICHARD GETS UP HIS TROUSERS FALL DOWN REVEALING A NAKED ACTION MAN BOTTOM HALF.

END

Or maybe not !

This is a very funny sketch. Well written, with an excellent ear for dialogue. The Schofield kids punch line was hilarious. Long may you stay on this site, Pedros!

Thanks for the feedback, first thing I've ever put up for public viewing.

There's a good joke in there but it just felt a bit clumsy. Perhaps it's too short?

Or maybe it's just me...

Poor dialogue, poor comedy, poor grammar, poor critics. or maybe it's just me.

I'd just like to add that by no way was that bad review anything to do with the fact Pedros, well endowed with brain that he is, still owes me money for a bet involving a pineapple and a tabby cat. I'm well over it, just speaking my mind.

I'm with Chris on this: the idea seems to get lost in the delivery somehow. But there is something funny in there so maybe a reworking would help. Not really sure what it should look like though.

Quote: pedros @ March 10 2009, 11:23 AM GMT

JUDY (drunk, swigging on a bottle of wine. Top open showing bra) –

View original

If you were to submit this sketch it's this line that would be a problem.

Why is she drunk?

Are you implying she has a drink problem?

She has never said anything to suggest that, so a line like that could be grounds for defamation - and that is enough to scare away any script editor.

Judy liking a drink is a well known and long running gag/rumour about her.

Quote: Peter Gash @ March 12 2009, 10:10 AM GMT

If you were to submit this sketch it's this line that would be a problem.

Why is she drunk?

Are you implying she has a drink problem?

She has never said anything to suggest that, so a line like that could be grounds for defamation - and that is enough to scare away any script editor.

View original

Her indecent, boozing, shoplifting ways are well documented.

Quote: David Bussell @ March 12 2009, 10:20 AM GMT

Her indecent, boozing, shoplifting ways are well documented.

View original

Are they?

Would you like to try to find some examples?

Firstly it was Richard that went to court accused of shoplifting. That is in the public domain and can therefore be discussed and used as a factual reference for comedy. But you would be in serious trouble accusing Judy of a criminal act.

As for 'Indecent'? What indecent ways are these?

I'd be interested to see whether you can find any interviews or articles with, by, or sanctioned by Judy saying that she has a drink problem.

It's one thing that a rumour may be circulating on street level, but it's a completely different thing to broadcast that rumour as fact to the world at large, even in parody. You simply cannot 'out' someone on the basis of rumour, not without running the risk of serious legal challenge.

How many rumours have you heard about Tom Cruise, or about David Beckham? And how many TV and radio shows have you seen where these rumours have been presented on a factual basis for reference and parody? Exactly my point!

It's a well established rumour about her, whether you know about it or not. This wouldn't be 'outing' her, just a parody of a percieved persona. I'm not sure she could actually sue, it's a sketch, not a fact as such. Scary Spice never sued Leigh Francis (is that his name?) for portraying her as a fish paste smelling, lesbian mentalist. Which I assume she isn't!

Nothing decent here...

Caught red-handed at the Elephant and Castle Shopping Centre with a bottle of grappa down her knickers...

And to top it all off, apparently she's even abusing steroids now...

.
I think that pedros, jonny2, munny fan, and Peter Gash all make interesting points.

Where's Thordox when you need him ?