Jacqui Smith walks into Gordon Browns office.
JS : Hi Gordon, don't want to disturb you. Can you just put your autograph on this?
Jacqui waves a folded up piece of paper under Gordon's nose.
GB : What is it Jacqui?
JS: Umm....it's just an autograph for the kids.
GB: For the kids?
JS: Yeah, you know how they love their Uncle Gordie.
GB: Do they?
JS: Course they do, they love it when you chase them pretending to be Cyclops.
GB: That's nice. Glad someone loves me.
Gordon goes to sign then unfolds the paper.
GB: Hang on a minute. What's this?
JS: What's what?
GB: It's another bloody expenses claim!
JS: Is it?
GB: You know damn well it is Jacqui! Right what have we got this time? Hairdressing £500?
JS: Got to look presentable.
GB: Clothing £1500?
JS: For the state banquets. Can't be expected to fund it myself can I?
GB: Personal Trainer £3000?
JS: Got to be fit to do this job.
Gordon looks her up and down.
GB: I'd ask for a refund if were you!
JS: Gordon!!
GB: Look half of these are completely unacceptable. Television? Sofas? Fine Art? This lot comes to over 15 grand. The press will have a field day.
JS: Look I've cut back. I've stopped going to the Antony Worrell Thompson restaurants I love.
GB: Yeah no wonder the poor bastard has gone bust.
JS: I'm sorry Gordon.
GB: Look we've all got to show responsibility and a real awareness of what's happening in the country.
Secretary enters.
S: Mr Brown I need this cheque signing for your new supped up Aston Martin.
JS: Gordon? Responsibility?
Gordon looks apologetic and shrugs shoulders.
G: Yeah. I know. But I just had to have it.
JS: Why?
Gordon smiles and looks smug.
GB : It's better than Jeremy Clarkson's.
Cheers!