PRESENTER

Hello and welcome to Police 5. Today Jaqui Smith has asked UK citizens to keep an eye out for a dangerous Terrorist. The Saint, or George, or Saint George has been spotted all over the UK. He is suspected of being armed with a big sword, and a horse, killing endangered wild life, including the last Dragon, and wearing an English flag, which every one knows is dead racist. If you see him please call the Police.

If you don't call the Police, please make a citizen's arrest on yourself. Lock yourself in your home for 56 days with out trial, and if you give your self any bother, get a family member, or friend to water board you.

Moving to do you ever feel you've forgotten what's funny thread.

only kidding sooty.

Fair criticism welcome(especially negative), asinine sarcasm not so welcome.

I wrote it as I share the things I'm not sure about. Including this skit, one of my attempts at Tilt, which I'm finding a challenge to write for.

I'll never understand why some people post.

Something about only kidding complicated??

Well if you're not giving an opinion on if you find it works or not or why.

But merely a snide reference to a thread on people who have no idea how humour works. Then no not complicated.

Poor. Whats the gag? That St G is a terrorist? That the newsreader is a chav (dead racist/any bover)? or that you should torture yourself?

Decide what you the point is then re-do i would have thought.

Thanks, now that's fair. Wasn't particularly happy with it, but was lookig for a last minute submission to Tilt.

Was looking for a joke on how St George would be viewed as a terrorist otday, and how that would interact with our daffy new war on terror culture.

Probably could get it to work in a NR style more extended skit, perhaps with St George actually getting arrested.

Thanks M Lewis criticism, and adivce always welcome.

Quote: sootyj @ April 23 2008, 10:30 AM BST

Well if you're not giving an opinion on if you find it works or not or why.

But merely a snide reference to a thread on people who have no idea how humour works. Then no not complicated.

View original

Sorry mate you've lost me. I can give you my opinion if you truly want it,which I suspect you probably don;t now.

It was a joke. Sarcastic... er no. Asinine. Can't see it. Not funny? - very probably not.

I would have thought the only kidding explained it wasn't a criticism or an analsysis.... just that a joke.

What do you mean by 'a snide refernece to a thread on people who have no idea how humour works'

Maybe I am being asinine here - but what do you mean by that?

Happy St. George's day by the way.

I thought it was a bit predictable, Sooty. It's a trick that's been done many times over the years, so a new take is needed.

Also, what's the significance of Police 5? Am I missing something?

I'd love your opinion, preferably in a form that would help me write it better in the future.

Might I suggest you check out M Lewis's helpful feedback.

It's an old help the cops show.

Thought I'd try a bit old school.

Seeing if the bloody obvious in terms of humour can work.

Tilt seems to be my comedy kryptonite.

If I have offended you Mister sooty it truly wasn't my intention. I dont have Mister Lewis's profound tact.

I would posit the idea that maybe the fact that it is Saint George is a reveal at the end of the sketch. Making it a punchline and a commentary on modern modes of thought. A bit like th ebook, can't remember who wrote it, about a persecuted man in America, whom only at the end you realise is black. Flips the perspective and throws the spotlight on our own prejudices and set ways of looking at things.

Sorry again

Marc

Quote: sootyj @ April 23 2008, 8:19 AM BST

and wearing an English flag, which every one knows is dead racist.

View original

This bit made me laugh but I'm afraid the rest didn't. I agree that it would be a better set up to disguise it's about St George and use that as the pay-off.

I think like a lot of stuff this is in critique because it's an idea that could work, but lacks finesse, a great angle, or cracking gags.

I do think people have been a bit harsh. It's still jobbing satire by numbers though. Maybe some more gags linking George and terrorists would lift it.

Every chance NR will still use it!

Quote: sootyj @ April 23 2008, 10:39 AM BST

I'd love your opinion, preferably in a form that would help me write it better in the future.

Might I suggest you check out M Lewis's helpful feedback.

View original

thanks