We welcome back the slow crowd draw that is the Manager of the Month competition...
Manager of the Month: March
March's Manager of the Month is upper crust c**t and society heel Hercules Grytpype-Thynne on a spindly 138 points. Just 13 points behind him hair god Steve Sunshine collects his second runner-up medal of the campaign.
Praise for Herc
Initially irritated to not have his unpronounceable gold-plated moniker engraved in full on the trophy Herc was mollified by the busty pacifications of model and dancer, Fanny Clasp.
Waxing lyrical Herc laid much of the team's success at the door of new Korean physio, Chip Phat, who took over from disgraced Gallic trainer Jim Moriarty in August. "Chip's instituted a regime of cold showers and early nights and banned Capstans and hip flasks from training. He's also dealt with the stray dog issue we've had at the practice ground, although how he finds the time to re-home them all I can't imagine."
Asked if the award would give him the momentum to push on for a top finish, Gyptpype-Thynne was less confident; "You're f**king joking. The Clique's closed tighter than a pair of ladies' curtains. It's prayers at this point and I've already spent more time on my knees than a homosexual. I've ruined three Savile Row suits."
Bitches Ain't Worth Shit
Former winner and current runner-up Steve Sunshine was full of praise for his competitor. "Herc's a great guy and a pretty-good manager considering he's basically a papier-mâché puppet from a seventy-year old radio show. And aristocrats can be surprisingly down to earth - he asked me for a tenner like he was hard-up! Apparently the cashpoint near his house in Mayfair is Grade II listed and they can't put money in as it constitutes altering the façade."
The ceremony was brought to an early close by January's winner Billy Bunter turning up unexpectedly brandishing a Glock 9 pistol. He was heard to mutter;
F**k the Clique
and the head 2 head
If I can't win the cup
I'm gonna spray lead
Police were called but hung up.
