F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni to Gappy for wanking it. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst..
3 - Gappy
1 - Me
Next topic: Past and Present
Leg closed: 19.6.25
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
1 - 8 - Gappy
2 - 6 - Me
3 - 3 - Otterfox
YOUR HISTORY
PUB.
DICK (reading) and TOM.
DICK What're you doing, Tom?
TOM I'm studying, Dick.
DICK Gay.
TOM Shut up. I mean I'm studying history.
DICK Must be difficult.
TOM American history.
DICK Oh, f**k off. Try Chinese history, you lazy wanker.
TOM Shut up. It's actually harder than a priest's tackle during TeleTubbies.
DICK Well, I can help.
TOM I wonder, can you?
DICK Shut up. I studied history longer than a priest's tackle...
TOM All right. I'll give you a historical event and you go on, Dick.
DICK Sounds like a condom.
TOM Shut up.
DICK Yes, Tom. Sorry, Tom.
TOM Now I give you an event and you tell me everything you know about it... American War of Independence.
DICK Easy, peasy, lemon juice! Well, that was a war, right? In America. And it was all about getting independence.
TOM Can you give me any more?
DICK Gay... I mean (thinks)... Well, it was a war, right? So they must've been fighting hard - really, really hard - for that independence thing they wanted. Harder than a priest's...
TOM Okay... Second World War.
DICK (thinks) Well that... That was another war, right? Only this time it was like the whole world - even America sometimes. Imagine that, the whole wide world... And it was the second one, yeah? The one before was similar, with the whole wide world, and sometimes America, only that one was called the First World War. And if there's another one, it'll be called the...
TOM All right... American Declaration of Independence.
DICK Simples. That was America too. And it was about that independence they wanted. They were declaring it, like on Facebook and Twitter and TikTok and shit.
TOM Well, f**k me. A J P f**king Taylor.
DICK Taylor Swift? No, I think she was later.
TOM All right, Dick. Last chance. Truman Doctrine.
DICK Oh, that... Well, that was a - a doctrine when - when President Harry S. Truman pledged American support for democratic nations against authoritarian threats so as to counter the expansion of the Soviet bloc at the height of the Cold War. It was officially announced to Congress on March 12, 1947, but was further developed on July 4, 1948, with vows to oppose communist uprisings in Greece and Soviet demands on Turkey, with an overall implication of support for other nations threatened by Moscow, leading to the formation of NATO and indirectly triggering Cold War. Truman insisted that 'It must be the policy of the United States to support free peoples who are resisting attempted subjugation by armed minorities or by outside pressures,' arguing that dictatorial regimes coerced free peoples and as such represented a menace to international peace and the US national security, Tom... Tom?
JAN: Welcome back. And now, as it's close to Hallowe'en we're going to get a little bit "spooooky".
CLIVE: That' right, Jan. Now, you'd think that anything weird has been around for as long as human history, but actually, there's an oddity that's pretty recent. Maybe you've heard of the Mandela effect?
JAN: So called because apparently many people believe they vividly remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 1980s, whereas of course he lived to a ripe old age and died in 2013.
CLIVE: The claim people make is that if such a large chunk of the population recollect something which turns out to be untrue, it must be a "glitch in the matrix". Or have some of us jumped from a different dimension?
JAN: It's a fun hypothesis, isn't it Clive? But of course, it's all down to similar memories becoming jumbled, and we're here where we've always been, in the normal, boring old dimension: the one where snow is cold, time runs forward, and strawberries taste of vinegar and dog meat.
CLIVE: Do you have a good example of the Mandela effect that viewers might have experienced, Jan?
JAN: Here's a good one. how about the clothing brand Fruit of the Loom. Do you recall their logo, Clive?
CLIVE: Yes, indeed. Lots of us used to wear their clothes when I was at school, so I remember the logo well: loads of fruit spilling out of wicker basket affair.
JAN: This is perfect, Clive, that's exactly what a lot of people would say. But there was noo basket - the actual name for which is a cornucopia - in the logo.
CLIVE: But I remember it!
JAN: You do, but what you're probably remembering is other images of cornucopias, which are a very common subject in art, from the classical period onwards. But the Fruit of the Loom logo is, and always has been, just the fruit.
CLIVE: Wow! My mind is blown. There was really just a pile of fruit and no basket?
JAN: Yes - plus of a course a naked Hitler in the background, playing a clarinet.
CLIVE: That Hitler, he did love his klezmer music.
JAN: That he did. And here's another beauty, we all love Queen, of course, but do you remember the end of their classic hit 'We Are The Champions'?
CLIVE: Not sure.
JAN: Well a lot of people, Clive, would say it ends like this [SINGS] "We are the champions...of the world" - and apologies for my singing voice.
CLIVE: I thought you sounded great; just as good as Freddy Jupiter.
JAN: Ha ha, very kind. But the song doesn't end like that, it simply ends [SINGS] "We are the champions".
CLIVE: And that's it, no more words?
JAN: No.
CLIVE: Just the sound of Roger Taylor's legs being crushed by that fridge-freezer?
JAN: Precisely - straight into the famous "squelch and scream" segment.
CLIVE: I should have remembered that, because I've seen the plaque in Abbey Road.
JAN: Abbey Road has a few of such gren plaques doesn't it. And I have one final wonderful example for you: do you recall The Berenstain Bears?
CLIVE: Just vaguely, I think we had books in school when I was very young.
JAN: Much more famous in America than here, admittedly, but most people swear they were actually called the Berenstine Bears or Berensteen Bears, and they'll claim they remember seeing the other spelling on books and merchandise, but nobody can actually locate any such thing.
CLIVE: Can I have guess at this one, Jan?
JAN: Go ahead, Clive.
CLIVE: I'm going to suggest that people's memories are just muddled because the -stain ending to a name is quite uncommon, whereas we're used to -stine and -steen. For example, there's composer Leonard Bernstein.
JAN: Great example. Another is Jeffrey Epstein, who opened all those orphanages.
CLIVE: Or Albert Einstein, the famous paedo.
JAN: So you can see how the Berenstain Bears have been corrupted in people's memories by other famous but different surnames.
CLIVE: So, what you're saying Jan, is that we are definitely not in an alternate universe?
JAN: I'm afraid not, Clive. Now, onto music, and we have in the studio, to play their record-breaking 27th number-one single, the phenomenal Milli Vanilli.
CLIVE: The greatest act in the history of music.
JAN: I don't think that anyone would disagree with that.