Right, all taken on board. I think the logical thing to do would be to show a bit of script with him in it. Lazzard, the world is rather surreal- the summary of this episode is one of the protagonists becoming a mud wrestler, his instructor being man who is permanently covered in mud to the point where you can't make his features out, no matter what the situation. He is then kidnapped etc etc. (only on fist draft haha)
Gary enters the flat, locks the door and heads to the lounge carrying a shopping bag
Gary (muttering)
F**king Max, idiot, f**king mud wrestling- who even does-
Gary enters the lounge when the light turns on and dramatically a figure rises from the sofa and spins round, facing Gary. It is Max's father, Bernard- a man who unevenly applies shoe polish to his face so that he appears like a black gentleman (in his opinion). He speaks what he dubs the language of the streets using his middle class accent.
Bernard
Graham.
Gary
Jesus Christ, Bernard!
Bernard
You can call me Bernard, homeslice.
Gary
I did just call you Bernard.
Bernard
You said Jesus Christ.
Gary
I said, Jesus Christ...
Gary pauses
Bernard
Exactl-
Gary
Bernard.
Bernard
Oh.
Gary winces at the site of Bernard
Gary
Anyway what are you doing sitting in the dark? Furthermore in the place that I live?
Bernard
I'm looking for Max. Truth.
Gary switches the light on and off a few times
Gary
You two playing hide and seek?
Bernard
Nah Garth son, word on the street is he got a sweet job interview, know what I'm saying?
Gary
I don't actually, often, for that matter, but I try my best. Bernard, drop the whole street talk thing or whatever, please, for a moment. Have you arranged a job interview for Max?
Bernard (quickly, bashful)
I have, yes.
Gary
Okay, that's great, just let me write down the details and I'll pass on the
message.
Bernard
Okay, let me tell you them dates and times and times and dates.
Gary shoots Bernard a glare
Bernard
Sorry. Have you got a pen ready?
Gary scrambles for a pen as the door bursts open, Max frantically runs into the lounge smiling
Max
Oh shit, hi dad.
Bernard
What's kicking?
Max recoils a little
Max
Um, yeah. Anyway, guys I have decided to quit my job to become a professional mud wrestler!
Gary pulls a face while Bernard fist pumps and hollers
Gary (frustrated)
You don't have a f**king job!
Bernard
Follow the beats near your sternum, and if mud wrestling gets them burnin', then it'll surely get you earnin'.
Gary and Max look at him quizzically
Gary
I really want to scowl at you but that was surprisingly okay.
Max
Yeah, like does it just come to you, or-
Bernard
I actually did a crash course at the community centre in free styling, and when I got your job interview sorted-
Max raises an eyebrow
Bernard cont.
Which is now completely irrelevant-
Max nods in relief
Bernard cont.
I penned it in the car on the way here.
Gary
Lot less impressive now.
Max nods in agreement
Max
Bit sad, really.
Gary
And hold on, what do you mean irrelevant? Max needs this opportunity!
Bernard
Well, Garfield, now that Max has found a steady, well-paying job as a mud wrestler, if anything I think when faced with the civil service, he's over qualified!
Bernard and Max do a little nod at each other.
Gary stands up
Gary (angrily)
Why is it that my life is full of complete f**king morons? Max, you have a 3rd in PPE, the civil service is a huge chance for you to make some serious money and have a better life, a chance that might not come again! Yet you are a lazy, easily distracted loser! You don't want to be a mud wrestler-
Max
But Frederick said-
Gary
I don't give a rat's f**king arse about what f**king Frederick said, listen to me! I have known you since university, and now we're here. I'm doing things, or at least I'm trying to. I'm not the best at my job but I f**king try. You are a slob with a strange, but fortunately influential father, barely qualified for a dream job that he could easily get you should you choose to go for it, and you want to be a mud wrestler. You can't see how lucky you are. You know what your problem is? You're ignorant, and too easily roped into things-
Max shakes his head
Gary cont.
Ah! You are. You know you are.
Max continues head shaking
Gary cont. (firmly)
Show us your back!
Max's head shaking increases in speed
Gary
Show us it!
Max slowly turns around and lifts his shirt up, revealing a large tattoo spelling out- "KONY 2012"
Bernard
What's a Kony?
Silence
Bernard
Yo! What the f**k is a Kony, man?
Gary (sighing)
I'm going to bed.
Gary leaves to go to bed, slowly exiting the room, Max and Bernard look at each other while Bernard changes his stance on the couch to more relaxed
Bernard (thrusting arms out and cocking head)
F**ks this guys problem?
Max (recoiling)
Dad!
Max pauses as Bernard sits awkwardly, sighing
Bernard
You used to enjoy that when you were a kid.
Max
I was a kid, I had no idea what was happening.
Bernard
Well son, when your mother left me for a black man-
Max
No, I know now! I didn't know when I was a kid.
Bernard sighs heavily
Max
Look Gary says what you do is bad, so it must be.
Bernard nods his head
Bernard
F**k is his problem anyway?
Max
What? Oh, Gary. Yeah he's been a bit stressed lately with work. He got demoted and had a bit of a breakdown, but he's back now.
Bernard
How long was he gone?
Max
A month.
Bernard
Well shit. Tell him Big Bern sends his love.
Max
Yeah, I will do dad.
Bernard
Well, I got places to be, home-dog. I'll see you soon.
Bernard and Max do a long series of hand movements, Max unenthused,
contrasting Bernard's eagerness
Bernard
Nice. Stay gangsta.
Max
I will, yeah, bye.
Bernard leaves the flat.
