Just wondered what people thought of this as an opening scene. Thanks!

MIKE
Surely we have other options?

ZOE
We don't babe.
BEAT
We've got a wedding to pay for, a house to save for and now only one job between the two of us.

MIKE
But moving in with your parents?

ZOE
Well what do you suggest?

MIKE
I'm not sure we've discussed sleeping rough in enough detail.

ZOE
Idiot.
(BEAT)
If it's that bad let's live with your parents?

MIKE
My parents or your parents.
(BEAT)
It's like choosing between Cancer and AIDS.

ZOE
MIKE!

MIKE
Look you know we can't. Believe me I wish we could, but us moving into a one bed flat with them will see us on Jeremy Kyle within the month.

ZOE
So we have no choice do we?

MIKE
When we inevitably break up because of them I want you to remember this moment.

ZOE
We won't break up you clown.

MIKE
I'm sorry for all of this.

ZOE gives MIKE a big hug and a kiss.

ZOE
Hey, it's not your fault. For richer and poorer and all of that...

MIKE
Yes but you haven't married me yet.

ZOE
But I love you.
(BEAT)
Look you'll find a job soon enough and we'll then be able to afford our own place.
(BEAT)
It's only temporary.

MIKE
If it goes on longer than three months then I will murder my parents and we can stay at theirs.

ZOE
That's fair.
(BEAT)
Cheer up babe. It could be worse?

MIKE
Could it?

ZOE
Yeh I guess it couldn't could it!

MIKE
Fancy a bit of naughts whilst we still can?

ZOE
Have you had a bath?

MIKE hesitates
Yes

ZOE
No you haven't. I'm not kissing him if he's got a load of cheese round him.
(BEAT)
At least wet wipe him.

MIKE
Oh come on!

ZOE
No wet wipe, no sex.

MIKE walks off the bathroom

ZOE picks up the phone

ZOE
Hey Dad, if the offer is still open we'd love to move in please.
(BEAT)
No not just me, Mike as well.
(BEAT)
Great. So it won't be for another month yet and Mike may even land a job in the meantime but either way we'll come for a couple of months and go from there.
(BEAT)
He might, you don't know that.
(BEAT)
Love you too.

MIKE stands at the door of the bathroom wet wiping himself.

MIKE
That enough?

ZOE
You given him a proper scrub?

MIKE
Yes woman!

ZOE
Ok.

ZOE walks into the bedroom, MIKE follows.

FADE TO BLACK

WAY too much on the nose exposition.
You need to find a much prettier way to give us all that information.
How would you do it if you weren't allowed to use words, for instance?
Always a useful exercise.

Hi Steve,

On the plus side, which is often lacking imo, I instantly like the two of them and I can see what sort of relationship they have - which is great. They're people I think I'd like spending time with. I do agree with the above though. I know it's only rough and the tendency is to try and get across the premise in lightning speed, but you could be more subtle. Do we need to know who has what job/what needs paying for yet? And we find out later in the scene that they're to be married. The opening premise - a couple needing to move in with their parents - is strong enough. Let the rest unfold a little.

Just had a quick play with the first few lines but feel free to disregard it all!!!

MIKE
Surely we have other options?

- Zoe puts her hand on Mike's arm -

ZOE
You know we don't babe...
(LONGER) BEAT

MIKE
I'm not sure we've discussed sleeping rough in enough detail?

ZOE
Idiot. Nevertheless, I see your point...

(BEAT)
- looks at Mike nervously -

If not mine, what about yours?

MIKE
(BEAT)
Hmmm, Cancer or AIDS?

ZOE
MIKE!! (BEAT)- Now are my parents Cancer or AIDS? Because there's no coming back from AIDS...

MIKE
- looks at Zoe in disbelief -

Unbelievable...Look, If we live with my parents Zoe I'll end up at Jeremy Kyle's bosom within a MONTH, begging for help.

Anyways, good luck!! Look forward to reading more.

W

I agree with the above poster that whilst there is too much exposition, the characters seem fairly formed and I can imagine them in my head. So you have done well there.

I think the bit with wiping his penis with a wet wipe... I mean, its kind of funny, maybe, but I just found it gross. But different strokes... for different folks.