ROBOT INTROIn 2026, soon after gaining independence, Scotland went to war over the spelling of whisky. The use of atomic weapons turned Ireland into a radioactive wasteland and guaranteed that whisky would never again contain the letter 'E'.

MICHAEL(shouting) Dawn! I'm home. You'll never believe the tailback on the hyperloop tonight.

DAWNWe've been waiting for you. The Flanagans, new people in number 2457, have popped round to say hi. Go on through - I'm just getting drinks.

MICHAEL(Cheerily) Well hello new neighbours!

AIDEN(Buzzy & Irish) Alright there. I'm Aiden and this is my wife, Branna.

BRANNA(Buzzy & Irish) Pleased to meet you. Michael isn't it? We've heard all about you.

MICHAELOh Michael. Yes. Err I didn't know you're...err... err... what are you?

BRANNAOh the accent - Irish. Aye - I don't s'pose you get many of us 'round here.

MICHAEL(apprehensive) No. No we don't. But I don't think it's the Irish throwing me. Aren't you both -

DAWN(calling from the next room) Michael love, can you come and give me a hand with the drinks?

MICHAEL(calling to DAWN) oh err of course.

FX: Michael walking in, cups of tea/coffee being stirred

MICHAEL(quietly so the neighbours can't hear) The new neighbours are -

DAWN(quietly) Cockroaches. Yes - I'd noticed.

MICHAELWell what are roaches doing in our house? You know I can't stand insects.

DAWNOh don't make a scene Mike. They've only just moved into the area and they're really nice. Take a minute to look beneath the skin and they're just the same as us.

MICHAELThe same as us? But they're roaches! Filthy dirty roaches.

DAWNCockroaches are people too. They're just like us. Say it - they're just like us. (BEAT) Say it!

MICHAEL(quiet and grudgingly) They're just like us.

DAWNGood. Now give me a hand with these.

FX: Clinks of cups/mugs being picked up and carried into the next room.

MICHAEL(sub voce) Just like us. Just like us. Just like us.
(normally) Your drinks - tea white five sugars?

AIDENCheers. Nice and sugary - how I love it.

DAWNAnd here's yours, Branna. Can I get you anything to go with that, any biscuits or cake?

MICHAEL(sub voce) Just like us. Just like us. Just like us.

AIDENOh I'm fine thanks.

MICHAEL(sub voce) Just like us. Just like us. Just like us.

BRANNAYou wouldn't have any rotting meat would you?

FX: MICHAEL Screams

END

>DAWN (quietly) Cockroaches. Yes - I'd noticed.

I suggest

DAWN (quietly) Six-foot Cockroaches. Yes - I'd noticed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not really enough jokes, but a difficult subject to fit jokes in.

The build up to the first joke was good (They're cockroaches) and would work well on radio. Only 3 or 4 solid gags in total but then the piece isn't overly long. And if they all came off you'd still be well ahead of the sketches they actually used.

I really liked that, nice build up, characters good ideas etc, but it seems to be missing the twist. A sketch like this where you're holding back on funny lines to build upto something can be great. But there isn't really a twist and it felt like it needed it.

Loved the cockroach reveal. Agree that it's a bit light on gags, and especially as sootyj says, a twist could have given it a killer punch.

Quote: sootyj @ 28th January 2014, 9:47 AM GMT

I really liked that, nice build up, characters good ideas etc, but it seems to be missing the twist. A sketch like this where you're holding back on funny lines to build upto something can be great. But there isn't really a twist and it felt like it needed it.

View original

Michael and Dawn are genetically engineering giant slugs, of course.

or they're all insects living in a human house

Very good. I do feel you've missed a trick though and could have, after the cockroach reveal, hit us with a second reveal that the hosts were themselves insects like bees or whatever.

Nice reveal of first gag but then it didn't go anywhere. Maybe the cockroaches could hate the humans too and they get into a row after they catch each other saying "they're just like us"?

What's for dinner dear? Oh flan-again? I agree, it would be great if they turned out to be something worse than cockaroaches.

Thank you all for the feedback

Quote: billwill @ 28th January 2014, 1:08 AM GMT

>DAWN (quietly) Cockroaches. Yes - I'd noticed.

I suggest

DAWN (quietly) Six-foot Cockroaches. Yes - I'd noticed.

View original

Damn - yes. I realised after posting it here that I never stressed that they were human-sized mutated cockroaches... Funny how you can overlook something that was so obvious in your own head.

I think I maybe held back too much as I'd outlined a few other scenarios for the Flanagans to experience.

Making the others non-human or mutated and having the Flanagans be disgusted by them never occurred to me, but I did want to have the Flanagans disgusted at their human neighbours occasionally. I think I'd planned a dinner party for that.