Hi everyone.

We've got 5 videos on here that we'd like some thoughts and critique on, from dialogue to gags to technical points.....

www.wearelunchbox.com

Thanks in advance!!

Firstly, well done for getting out there and actually filming something.

I'm presuming you intended it to be a parody of Majorie Dawes - right down to the "again" line. I think you are talented enough to come up with an original character.

It was also a bit too long and I am not sure I bought the complete change in his character - from enthusiastic, to angry, to sex offender.

I'm also not a huge fan of the whole "gay man tries to touch up every bloke he sees." thing. Not only because its offensive, (which I can cope with) but because it has been done before. Many times.

I thought there were some good performances there and production quality was very high. Good luck with it.

Hi Jennie

Thanks for the reply. A couple of people have mentioned Marjoie Dawes, I can assure you it wasn't intentional.

If you watch "The Interview" it kinda makes more sense that the character is a bit unhinged.

Thanks a lot though, I'm glad you watched for me!

I wonder if the similarity is a little bit too acute to be honest .

I got that he was unhinged, but felt it was going in too many directions - has he got an anger problem, or does he lock unsuspecting men in toilets?

Anyway - I do wish you all the best.