Would anyone like to add to this by creating the next customer?

It's not the greatest thing in the world but I'm rusty and would enjoy the exercise.

Man standing behind a shop counter

A phone on the counter rings

MAN
"Hello Acme products"

VOICE
"Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep beep beep"

MAN
"I'm sorry sir but we've been told to stop selling you dynamite"

VOICE
"Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep"

MAN
"There's no need for that type of language sir!"

The man puts the phone down and starts polishing an anvil

Shopkeeper turns sign to 'Closed' gets coat and leaves.

It's a nice idea, Teddy, but the fatal flaw is that Wile E. Coyote would be the character buying the dynamite and not Roadrunner. The bleeped out Roadrunner has some potential though.

Why would ACME, a company built on death and destruction, not allow someone to buy dynamite?

Doesn't make sense, Teddy.

Ben I think you have spotted a very large flaw as it is the wrong voice altogether so it really doesn't work.

But I hardly think a cartoon company that sells and operates roadside deliveries of false tunnel entrances to wild dogs in the middle of nowhere is going to be too rigid on the rules Don do you?.

How about?

PHONE RINGS AGAIN
MAN
Hello Acme products

ANOTHER VOICE
Hi, I looking for a book entitled "What to do with your roadrunner once you've caught it" do you have it?

MAN
No sorry, We don't get a lot of call for those type of books round here !"

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ September 30 2013, 7:20 AM BST

But I hardly think a cartoon company that sells and operates roadside deliveries of false tunnel entrances to wild dogs in the middle of nowhere is going to be too rigid on the rules Don do you?.

View original

They're a company without rules, yes - but WHY would they not sell dynamite to a loyal customer? You need to explain that in the sketch. It's called exposition, Teddy.

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ September 30 2013, 11:20 AM BST

How about?

PHONE RINGS AGAIN
MAN
Hello Acme products

ANOTHER VOICE
Hi, I looking for a book entitled "What to do with your roadrunner once you've caught it" do you have it?

MAN
No sorry, We don't get a lot of call for those type of books round here !"

View original

Already been done.

Don like most things I put up this post was designed to get my juices flowing, it wasn't great to start with and Ben was spot on to point out I even had the wrong character so it was f**ked from the get go.

That said I do put a lot of throw away posts up that get more corrections than chuckles but it helps me get going so I continue to do it.

When I post stuff like this I aim more for an idea than the layout which is what is obviously causing confusion as this is a site for critique and not ideas, but my options are limited so I put half baked stuff up and sometimes get a good buzz back and that helps me as a writer.

On the exposition front I can only apologise for my error,but given it was a cartoon character whom I have seen killed at three hundred times by misfiring dynamite I had rather hoped that some would make the leap.,

The problem with assuming people will 'make the leap' is that quite often they don't. One simple line of exposition would have cleared up any ambiguity. I still have no idea why ACME won't sell Roadrunner/Wile E Coyote any dynamite.

Don if you can't make leaps like that I don't think you should be watching cartoons to be honest son do you? I don't think you're ready for them.

Perhaps I'm being dumb, but why won't ACME sell dynamite to Roadrunner/Wile - have they suddenly developed a conscience/morals?

Don cartoon retail based companies are a peculiar lot and I will be the first to admit their dynamite sales policy is normally customer centric to the point of bordering on being irresponsible.

If it helps they're no better in relation to steamroller hire either and often deliver the buggers without checking for licences or permits, it's as though they refuse to adhere to the normal rules.

I can only presume the have sharpened their act up and not before time eh Don

I don't disagree with any of that but you keep evading my question. Why won't ACME sell dynamite to Roadrunner/Wile?

Calling them a 'peculiar lot' doesn't really cut it.

Teddy,

I haven't read too much of your stuff but I think you're a gas man. You really humour me mate. I think with the quirkiness of some of your material people need to be on a similar wavelength to you but not everybody is which is probably why some don't appreciate where you are coming from.

I've compiled a series of sketches, put them together and had it self-published. Maybe you might be interested in doing something similar if you would like to make money from your work. You certainly post frequently and have lots of material. It would be a shame for you to keep creating and posting on this site without being able earn something.

If you wish, I could always pop a copy of my book off in the post to you if you're for an idea of some sort. I'd cover the cost of the book and postage.

I've compiled a series of sketches, put them together and had it self-published.

Give it a plug on here. Or have you done that already?