G'day. Belfast born kiwi living in Auckland New Zealand 45 married to a gorgeous bird, made in China, with a three year old son self employed in the promotional products industry.

I'm on cloud nine at the moment, on top of the world, the top of the food chain, the world is my oyster and I don't do crustaceans.

And finally....

Q: Who is your favourite Arab Sultan?
A: Sultan Vinegar?

So any way I walks in da dis bar, ouch!
And the bar man says why the long face?
I says that would be funny if I was a horse. Boom Boom!

I says barman give us three beers, two for me and one for my midget
Barman says,Your midget? I thought they wuz extinct!
My midget says, Yo moma!
And we all made merriment long into the night through to the wee small hours of the morning which of course my midget loved.

Quick impression, Tweet tweet twit twot twat. Bird with Tourettes!

And now just ahead... (insert picture of just a head)

But wait there's more - A Short Skit

. Dad I've got something I need to tell you.
What son?
Im gay

Long silence

As in happy and gay dad not as in arse bandit!

Phew, laugh and slap each other etc.

Scene 2

Dad is spotted dancing with beers in a gay bar by son!