Gird yourself for piercing screams as One Direction cosy up on Ross's sofa. Niall, Louis, Harry and Liam stop off at the end of their global tour to address their "extended hiatus" for 2016, during which they'll be concentrating on solo endeavours. If you're still feeling a bit bereft about it, they'll be performing not one but two songs. Michael McIntyre - also in attendance - will have to summon every shred of whimsy he can muster in order to compete with such frenzied fandom.

Radio Times review

Tonight on Jonathan Ross, a bit of a coup. Football megastar Cristiano Ronaldo makes his first-ever UK chat show appearance. Opinions vary as to whether the Real Madrid winger is a misunderstood wizard who does things with a ball nobody else could... or an egomaniac who represents everything rotten in the game. Or something of both. We can take sides tonight as he discusses his family and career ahead of a new documentary about his life.

Jonathan Ross expresses anger at Ariana Grande

Jonathan Ross has given Ariana Grande a good swear-filled tongue-lashing after she failed to show up for a recording of his show. The chat show host called the singer a 'lazy f***er' and said she was probably having 'her first Nando's' instead of turning up at the studio.

Radio Times review

Rumbling Russell Crowe joins Jonathan Ross to talk about his directorial debut, The Water Diviner, about an Australian farmer setting out to find the bodies of his three sons who died at Gallipoli. No one will put him off (of course), not even snooty Brits.

Also on the sofa is Elizabeth Hurley, talking about her new US drama The Royals, which looks absolutely hilarious, though I'm not sure it's meant to be funny; and Downton Abbey's Lady Rose, Lily James twinkles by to talk about playing Cinderella in a new Disney film. Don't stay after midnight, Lily!

Best of all, the comedy corner is occupied by David Mitchell, and music comes from brilliant disco funksters Chic.

Radio Times review

"The universe was trying to teach me a lesson, I guess," Madonna says, referring to that dramatic tumble during the Brit Awards that gave her whiplash and almost broke the internet. In an interview filmed the day after her fall, she denies it was a stunt designed to reflect the lyrics of her song. As well as singing tracks from her new album Rebel Heart, she touches on her attitude towards drugs and her latent desire to become a comedian.

The Jonathan Ross Show: Madonna Special, review

At 56, the Queen of Pop still has presence and charisma - and possesses far more natural beauty than unflattering paparazzi photos suggest, says Isabel Mohan.

Matt Lucas admits he is looking for love on Tinder

Matt Lucas admits he is considering a gastric band to shift the pounds... and he's looking for love on Tinder.

Radio Times review

In the publicity blurb, guest Stephen Fry is described as "the nation's favourite polymath" (because our nation has so many polymaths). But we should add the words "newly married" after Fry wed his partner Elliott Spencer.

In his first television appearance since the wedding, Fry will doubtless give us all the details of a very low-key ceremony at a Norfolk register office. The occasion was marked by Fry on Twitter as "Gosh. Elliott Spencer and I go into a room as two people, sign a book and leave as one."

Also on the sofa are Andrew Flintoff, star of Sky 1's Lord of the Fries (oh dear) where the cricketer takes a chip van around the country, and comedian Kevin Hart.

I was wrong about The Jonathan Ross Show

A month ago I wrote a short and not entirely complimentary obituary for The Jonathan Ross Show. Since then though? Jonathan Ross has posted three corking shows in a row for the first time since he moved to ITV in 2011 - and with Boris Johnson to come this Saturday he could even stretch that to four.

Jonathan Ross 'offered BBC Radio 2 slot'

Jonathan Ross claims BBC Radio 2 wants him to work there again - six years after the Sachsgate scandal that saw him quit the BBC.