After much discussion with the regulars in The Clansman, Jack arranges a birthday surprise for Victor's 75th - a trip down the River Kelvin in an inflatable dinghy. The duo are joined on their voyage by Winston, but the relaxing pleasure cruise soon turns into a nightmare.

Victor will be 75 on his birthday, and instead of Jack giving him his annual present of a bottle of whisky, Jack wants to give him something special. After much discussion in the Clansman, Shug offers Jack a dinghy which he has had in his loft for a few years...

Jack and Victor head down the Kelvin river in the dinghy along with Winston who wants to tag along with them. As they sail down the river they come across some neds who throw a television set onto their dinghy, bursting it and forcing them to go ashore. They clamber onto a boat chased by the neds. As luck would have it, there is a consignment of lager on board which results in the neds, Jack, Victor and Winston all getting drunk.