Chris and Carl Palmer are two brothers who have not seen each other for 15 years. Carl has just left the army, while Chris has woolly hair and a full English beard. This is the story of the first three hours following their reunion, as Carl tries to find his long-lost son.

As they hole up at The Mermade Hotel, their simple task becomes complicated thanks to a psychotic killer, a gung-ho American cop who has fulfilled his ambition to work for the NYPD (North Yorkshire Police Department) and an angry hotel manager bereft of a vital piece of anatomy. In what should have been a relatively straightforward seven-mile journey to a garden center, Chris and Carl drop in at a jazz fusion disco, visit a farm shop, discover a new disease and narrowly avoid being killed in a varied selection of gruesome ways.