Santa delivers a double header of festive banter tonight. For Alan Carr's final show, Gordon Ramsay discusses his Christmas Day cook-along, Ian McKellen talks about The Hobbit, and music comes from Kylie. Graham Norton's sofa looks more A-list, with Hollywood actor Dustin Hoffman alongside Billy Connolly, one of the stars of Hoffman's directorial debut, Quartet. Doctor Who's Matt Smith and Jennifer Saunders round off the foursome.

Alan Carr: I was so drunk I couldn't read the autocue

Alan Carr, 36, talks about supping Champagne on set with Mariah, Lady Gaga's cooking and why he can no longer drink whisky.

More frothy fun from Alan Carr as the ninth series of his effervescent chat show continues. Tonight Carr will be camping it up with fellow comedian and Take Me Out presenter Paddy McGuinness and chatting to formidable Dragons' Den entrepreneurs Theo Paphitis, Deborah Meaden, Duncan Bannatyne and Peter Jones. Music comes from Britain's own Justin Bieber, teen pop star Conor Maynard, performing his new single Turn Around.

There's a strong pop flavour to bespectacled comedian Alan Carr's green room tonight. The cheekily probing host's guests are pop singer and The Voice coach Jessie J, discussing her autobiography Nice to Meet You, tousle-haired, America-conquering boy band One Direction - so brace yourself for hormonal screams from the studio audience - and US soul diva Alicia Keys, who will also be performing. The line-up is completed by Kevin McCloud, whose new series of Grand Designs is currently being shown on Channel 4.

The academic year is under way, and to celebrate freshers week Alan Carr has summoned the cast of Fresh Meat, the university sitcom loved by students and dreaded by their parents, who can be heard pathetically asking, "It's not really like that, is it?" To which the answer is a resounding silence. Brace yourselves for the double entendres. Also tonight, Doctor Who star Matt Smith discusses his reunion with the Daleks, and rapper Example performs his single, Say Nothing.

The toothy Alan Carr returns with - impressively if a little surprisingly - a ninth series of his entertainment chat show, and tonight he's joined by US popstrel Pink, who'll be giving an exclusive performance of her new single Blow Me (One Last Kiss). Gok Wan, the British high street's ally, is also on Carr's sofa, chatting about his forthcoming Channel 4 dating show Baggage.

The anti-Piers Morgan returns with a new series of giggle and chat. Carr's effort is likely to be a more frothy and glamorous affair, as the inescapable Gok Wan joins him for a gossip about his new dating show, while Pink performs her new single. Camp laughs guaranteed, or your money back.

The lovable fairy of chat is hitching a lift on the Olympics bandwagon with a live party to celebrate all that's great about London 2012. Fun and cheekiness are pretty much guaranteed; his good-natured guests include fellow chatter Jonathan Ross, X Factor judge Tulisa, torch-bearer Paloma Faith and amiable music type Labrinth. Bringing the chaos is Keith Lemon, who will relish the chance to get close to Melanie Sykes, and there's a bit of sport involved as Olympian Fatima Whitbread sets the guests a series of challenges.

As far as party hosts go, you can do far worse than the cheeky and infectious Alan Carr. That said, his celebrity guest list for this two-hour bash, which includes sketches, music, mad games and audience participation, is a bizarre one, ranging as it does from Justin Bieber and David Walliams to the cast of Made In Chelsea and, um, Carol Vorderman.

The Jubilee fun may be over, but the irrepressible Alan Carr wants a summer party too - and he's convinced a wide selection of TV and music stars to join him at the not especially cosy Channel 4 HQ. Carr is the perfect party host - loud, funny, generous with drinks and able to keep any potential party poopers chatting for hours. David Walliams, Justin Bieber, The Saturdays and Rizzle Kicks all stop by to join in the fun.