David Mitchell is joined by Rufus Hound, Fern Brady, Ria Lina, and Tony Hawks as they lie on the subjects of biscuits, wives, germs and snails.

The Truths

Tony Hawks - Snails

- The paint on some ships contains a now banned chemical which can cause female marine sea snails to grow penises and then explode. Found by Rufus.

- The world snail-spitting champion, Alain Jourden, can spit a snail a distance of 34ft. Found by Ria.

- If the cigarette snail jabs you with its poison fang, you only have time to smoke one cigarette before you die. Smuggled successfully.

- Dishonest Victorian dairymen would dilute milk and then whisk snails into it to make it creamy. Smuggled successfully.

- Scientists at Nottingham University studied a rare snail whose shell coiled to the left rather than to the right, which they named Jeremy, after Jeremy Corbyn. Smuggled successfully.

Fern Brady - Wives

- In 1832, Joseph Thompson, a Carlisle farmer, sold his wife for 20 shillings and a Newfoundland dog. Found by Tony.

- George III's wife, Queen Caroline, was considered so ugly that some people at the time suggested that his madness was caused by the trauma of having to have sex with her. They still had 14 children together. Found by Rufus.

- Kim Jong-un spotted his wife Ri Sol-ju when she was a member of North Korea's national cheerleading squad. Found by Tony.

- The word "hussy" comes from the Middle-English word for "housewife". Smuggled successfully.

- After the death of Philip the Handsome in 1506, his wife Joanna the Mad continued to sleep with his corpse beside her for three years. Smuggled successfully.

Ria Lina - Germs and Microbes

- Conan the Bacterium is so nicknamed because it can withstand acid baths, extremely high and low temperatures, and radiation does thousands of times higher than a human could stand. Found by Rufus.

- Herpes viruses, of which there are around 200, have been found in every animal species ever investigated. Found by Fern.

- Bacteria are just tiny eyeballs. Smuggled successfully.

- A video of active microbes in stilton cheese was banned by British film censors. The first film in Britain to be censored on the grounds of taste was in 1896, of a 90-second film by Charles Urban showing bacteria under a microscope devouring the cheese. Smuggled successfully.

- Suggs had his resident microbes turned into a cheddar cheese. Smuggled successfully.

Rufus Hound - Biscuits

- 6,000-year-old biscuits have been found in Switzerland, and the Ancient Egyptians ate biscuits. Found by Ria.

- Chinese fortune cookies were invented in the USA. Found by Ria.

- In 2018, when a shop in San Diego starred selling marijuana, a Girl Scout set up a stall outside it selling cookies and sold 300 boxes. She raised $1,500. Found by Ria.

- Digestive biscuits have no digestive qualities. Found by Tony.

- Biscuits caused The Beatles to split. According to Geoff Emerick, a sound engineer at Abbey Road, George Harrison called Yoko Ono a bitch after he caught her stealing a digestive biscuit he kept on his amp. This caused a furious shouting match between him and John Lennon which ultimately lead to the split. Smuggled successfully.

Scores

- Tony Hawks: 5 points
- Ria Lina: -1 point
- Fern Brady: -3 points
- Rufus Hound: -4 points