"You've got tinkly piano music and genital warts," John would tell him. "Mate, those two things should never be on the same plate."
To which Gregg would add: "I'm getting the lovely light sweetness of Hannah and Derek, the sharpness of handyman Dougie played by Karl Pilkington, but then all I'm left with is this nasty, sour aftertaste in my mouth from Kev and that grubby pornographic gravy.
"There's a time and a place for sexual language like that and it just doesn't belong in a pudding."
I couldn't have put it better myself.
This week a new member of staff regales Derek with tales of strange creatures that are half-men, half-chimp, and Derek's father, Anthony (Tony Rohr) moves into the nursing home.
It's genuinely heart-warming to see him getting to know his son better.
Even if he is more interested in getting acquainted with all the female residents.Jane Simon, The Mirror, 23rd April 2014
It's ten years since Angus Deayton made his hurried departure from the HIGNFY host's chair, since when 84 different bottoms have perched there, including those of MasterChef's Gregg Wallace and John Torode, the only double act to share the job, two knights (Sir Bruce Forsyth and Sir Trevor McDonald), two OBEs (Joan Collins and Moira Stuart) and one intergalactic space traveller.
In this anniversary edition, Homeland's Damian Lewis takes the hot seat for the fifth time - obviously hoping to challenge Alexander Armstrong's record of 20 - and, judging by his earlier outings, he'll deliver the scripted lines with exquisite timing and charm. Tonight's guests are Harry Shearer and Nigel Farage.Jane Rackham, Radio Times, 9th November 2012
Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson offer up another 30 minutes of pretending to be other people. When the show hits home, as in a MasterChef skit where John Torode and Gregg Wallace reckon the contestants are "like cows at an abattoir", there's much fun to be had. Paul McCartney reforming the Fab Four with "all of the surviving Beatles except Ringo" and the Gok Wan wok gun also hit the mark. At other times, though, don't be surprised if your attention drifts: the show is consistently inventive without necessarily being consistently funny.Jonathan Wright, The Guardian, 2nd November 2011
There are two guest hosts for tonight's show and they're not comics - they're MasterChef mavens Gregg Wallace and John Torode. How they'll fare on laughs is anyone's guess. Happily, the reliably brilliant Richard Herring, who last turned up on HIGNFY sporting a Hitler moustache and
is a panellist again tonight, should do well in that department.
For the first time in its 21-year-history, Have I Got News for You has not one but two hosts. Taking the chair - or maybe a nice two-seater - this week are MasterChef's double act, John Torode and Gregg Wallace. Bucking the trend of booking comedians or actors for the job is an interesting decision. Whether it's a stroke of genius or a bad move remains to be seen. There are bound to be lots of food-related gags along the lines of Torode expecting perfectly seasoned answers from Paul Merton and Ian Hislop and their charges. But the big question is, will Wallace be able to restrain himself from booming, "Quizzes don't get tougher than this!"Jane Rackham, Radio Times, 13th May 2011