Eleanor Mor-ton, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been... sorry, different Eleanor. Although that song does sound suitably lockdowny, when you think about it ("Writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear; No one comes near..." Bloody Nora).
"Yup I got super lucky at the start of lockdown with a day job at The Beano, writing quizzes and jokes," says Morton. "The only downside is having to research stuff the youth are into, like Tik Tok, which makes me feel 3,000 years old."
It's a childhood dream fulfilled, day job at The Beano, plus a great name for a band. And away from Gnasher and co...?
"Other than that I've just been trying to keep busy, like a pensioner whose spouse has recently passed. I'm a bit of an introvert (like every other comedian) so I enjoyed not going out, and I didn't miss 2am trains and petrol station sandwiches. But I miss the 3% of the evening you're actually on stage."
It was a big anniversary this year, in fact. So let's night-bus it back there.
I remember everything! It was in the Beehive Inn in Edinburgh, 26th May 2010. So it was my ten year anniversary this year, which was... non eventful.
A big group of friends and parents turned up and were incredibly encouraging. The difference I've noticed between male and female comics is female comics have lovely stories about their first gig like 'My friends all came and cheered me on and bought me prosecco afterwards' and male comics have ones like 'My friends always said I was a dick and I should kill myself, so when I started doing comedy they'd come along and fire live rounds into the ceiling just to keep me on my toes'.
Having said that, I have learned over the years that I'm the sort of person who hates performing to people they know. So thanks for coming!
Favourite show, ever?
This is like when you're asked what your favourite film is and suddenly you can't think of any films. I've had lots of great gigs, but to be honest I think if a gig goes well you think 'job done' and forget about it. The ones I love are the ones where you do something different and play around a bit.
In February at John-Luke Roberts's Terrible Wonderful Adaptations at The Vaults I did a seven-minute improvised dance to the Cats soundtrack, dressed as a cat, and honestly, that fulfilled a lot of dreams.
Any gig where there's this hostile feeling that you have to win them over before you've even started is horrible, but I think the worst was a Glasgow Uni QMU Union charity event in 2012 where I had to do my set while a guy sat on the side of the stage was attempting to eat 50 boiled eggs in a row, and kept boking (vomiting) them into a bucket.
Which one person influenced your comedy life most significantly?
I bet no one can answer this one with just one person!
Maybe Maria Bamford? Purely because every time I watch her I remember it's ok to do exactly the kind of comedy you love and nothing else. And that it's ok to talk about certain subjects even if you don't feel like anyone will care, because someone always does. Also I love Bill Bailey and I feel he doesn't get enough credit for being an excellent stand-up.
And who's the most disagreeable person you've come across in the business?
Sooz Kempner, I've had to get lawyers involved.
Is there one routine/gag you loved, that audiences inexplicably didn't?
It has been exactly eighteen thousand years since I gigged regularly and I can't remember a single routine. But I do remember the audience loved every single second, no exceptions.
Any good tips for getting into TV writing - and comic-strip writing?
If you never ask, the answer is always no, which sounds cheesy but is so true. You can't write or perform if you're being held back by your own trepidations, so just do it. Go ahead and ask, write, experiment, etc.
Are there particular reviews, heckles or post-gig reactions that stick in the mind?
The drawback of being from Edinburgh is every Fringe someone from my distant childhood will inevitably turn up, see my show and then say something like 'Well, that was... very good!'. And then they'll tell my mum they saw me and she'll have to explain why I turned out like this.
How do you feel about where your career is at, right now?