Today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.

If you're one of the many people valiantly giving Dry January a go (like our Editor Mark, the trooper), here's a piece from stand-up comedian Lou Sanders to help keep you on the wagon.

You can't say she's not persuasive.

"I'm Not Even Drunk Today, Thanks!"

It's been a lovely sweet year since I gave up booze - and here I am - still waffling on about it!

I do realise that some chump talking about getting sober can be a nauseating read, but I was even more of a bellend when I was drinking (if you can get your head around that).

Anyhow if you are thinking of giving up, even just for a month, here are some positives:

1. Never wet yourself again! Unless you are actually naturally incontinent, a baby, or you just had a baby. I guess this should read 'never wet yourself again because you are drunk.'

2. Now you're sober, you will only sleep with morons because you have low self-esteem, not because you're drunk and have low self esteem. BINGO!

3. You are saving money left, right and centre by not drinking and with the money you save why not try gambling instead!!!

4. You can now drive everyone around, and have them be sick in your car instead of the other way round. Glorious!

5. And lastly, if people hate you, at least you know it's the TRUE YOU they can't get on board with!