Count Arthur Strong is touring the country with his latest show, The Sound Of Mucus. It's possible there may have been a printing error on that name. Let's find out more from the entertainer himself...
Hi Count Arthur. How are you today?
My chin is a bit sore. Apart from that I am in robust good health. Why what's it got to do with you?
We've noticed you are on Twitter. How are you finding it?
I enjoy it. Although there are some right twerps on there, who post pictures of their dinner and themselves in the mirror in bathrooms?
My cleaner Doris's son, whose name escapes me, set it up for me. FYI he's got blond hair with what he calls a moustache and doesn't look you in the eye.
I've always been up to date with modern technology. I was the first person with an electric tin opener in the Harehills Lane area of Leeds.
You're currently on tour. What can people expect if they turn up?
Unfortunately I can't tell you what the show is called because of a dispute with the printers but I can tell you that if you come to see it you'll never forget it, whatever it's called.
It's based on The Sound Of Music we understand. Have you re-watched the film to remind yourself of what it's about?
I don't need to re-watch it, thank you. I have a perfectly adequate memory for things like this. In fact it's more than adequate. In fact, it's over adequate if anything. Remembering things just comes natural to me. It always has done. One example of remembering would be The Battle of Hastings, another would be a cabbage, which I'm having with Shepherds Pie for my dinner tonight. If I remember it.
There's presumably some music in it. Out of a score of 100, how would you rate your own singing skills?
Well I believe in today's parlance I would rate my voice at 110% out of a hundred. Which I didn't know was possible but apparently is. Particularly if you're an athlete like me. Actually I'm probably closer to 120%, if truth be known.
This is your biggest tour yet. Any apprehensions about playing so many dates?
Your Command Performance is now on DVD. Are you happy with how that has come across on screen?
I'm highly delighted with the VD of Command Performance. And I hope that doesn't sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet up myself. It really is a spectacle and I am absolutely brilliant in it I have been told by experts.
You were granted permission by a member of the Royal Family to use the 'Command Performance' title?
I'm often in touch with royalty. It's what keeps me grounded. My favourite royal is that one with the ginger hair.
You've also got a vinyl record out now too. Can you tell us more about that?
Well yes I can, is the short answer. The longer answer is that the lovely Anita Harris and I, or me... you decide, have released out a 7" single.
On the 'A' side we duet the wonderful classic Somethin' Stupid and have been favourably compared to Frank and Nancy Regan. (check that before you print).
On the 'B' side I sing the wonderful song, Lovely Day and have been favourably compared to Bill's Wither's (don't check that). Also we were record of the week on Northern Hospital Radio, which now there's no Top of the Pops is a high accolade indeed.
Do you have any other duets in mind?
Well I'm in advanced talks with several artistes, like the one that sings in her brassier, Madonna; the woman from Sonny and Chair; and Dame Vera Lynn, from the war. Keep your eyes on the music press for the imminent announcement sometime in the next year.
Your TV series will be back on air soon. What will we get to see across the six new episodes?
You'll get to see seven for a start. And I can't remember what they're about. They're bloody good though. If you'll pardon my French. I remember that. And highly visual. Unlike my successful radio show, which was virtually all non-visual. But bloody good though. If you'll pardon my French again. Which literally doesn't make sense. I don't know why people keep saying it?
Given how busy 2017 is for you, do you think you'll have a break in 2018, or would you be up for allowing the BBC to film your activities again next year too?
Well I would never rule anything in or out. What I would say is, if the BBBC want to do another series, they're really going to have to pay me this time. And I mean with money. I can't live off thin air. I have overheads.