Edinburgh Q&A.

Fringe Q&A: If a genie offered you a wish...

We asked some of the comedians at the Edinburgh Festival, 'If a genie offered you one wish, what would you ask for?'. Click on their names to find out more about their shows


Adele Cliff: Sheep. Adele Cliff.Adele Cliff

Proof that he was a genie; you can never be too careful.

Alex Cofield: Supernova. Alex Cofield.Alex Cofield

I would ask for the power to montage through life, as it would be the only way I would feasibly get in good shape. Also would make show-writing go a lot faster!

Ali Brice's Lemonade Stand. Ali Brice.Ali Brice

The best sandwich ever, which was a sandwich my mum's best friend made for me when we stayed with her in the Bahamas. I can remember it like it was yesterday, but have never been able to recreate the taste.

Andrew Sim: You Gotta Find Joy. Andrew Sim.Andrew Sim

For this interview to end.

Barry Ferns: Barry Loves You. Barry Ferns.Barry Ferns

The ability to make people laugh continuously until they get an actual hernia. I would only use it on hecklers or cruel people like children. I would only use my powers for good.

Benet Brandreth: A Hero for Our Times. Benet Brandreth.Benet Brandreth

Theme music. Imagine how much more exciting life would seem if whatever you did there was a swelling orchestra in the background. It would also be helpful foreshadowing if there was any danger approaching.

I Can Make You Feel Good. By Comparison.. Charlie Partridge.Charlie Partridge

I would wish for ultimate clarity so that I would never get stuck arguing in an internet comments thread again. It would also save money on window cleaners.

David McIver Is a Nice Little Man. David McIver.David McIver

I would wish for a hundred pounds. That way I could buy something really nice, like some new jeans, and maybe a cool shirt if I had enough money left over. Actually, jeans shopping is pretty hard because I've got quite short legs, so maybe I'd cut out the middle man and just wish for a pair of jeans that fit nicely.

Dominic Frisby's Financial Game Show. Dominic Frisby.Dominic Frisby

To go back to 2010. At which point I would buy a metaphorical suitcase full of bitcoin.

Harry and Chris Save the World. Image shows from L to R: Chris Read, Harry Baker.Harry & Chris

One of our answers to be printed in British Comedy Guide (not this one)

It's Not Cute Anymore.It's Not Cute Anymore

Brian Blessed to flyer for us.

Luke Rollason's Planet Earth. Luke Rollason.Luke Rollason

I would ask for my money back. Genies are supposed to offer three wishes. I will not have my consumer rights violated.

Matt and Ollie are... Dads!.Matt & Ollie

I would ask for a twelve inch pianist. Because my dick would look massive next to his.

Onstage Dating. Bron Batten.Onstage Dating

Ryan Gosling in a nappy. That's literally the first thing that came into my head.

Rob Auton: The Talk Show. Rob Auton.Rob Auton

A HSBC online banking secure key keypad that is impossible to lose.

Ruth Cockburn - Love Letters From Blackpool. Ruth Cockburn.Ruth Cockburn

A car than never runs out of petrol and ever lasting guitar strings. Re-fuelling and re-stringing and my least favourite jobs. I feel I may have wasted my wishes!

Scott Capurro: The Trouble With Scott Capurro. Scott Capurro.Scott Capurro

Decent hair dye that doesn't make me look like a divorced retiree on the prowl.

Simon Jablonski - Love. Simon Jablonski.Simon Jablonski

The ability to emit the scent of baked bread like they do at the supermarket. So when I'm in a group and I'm the only one who wants to eat, I can quietly emit my bread smell then everyone else would be hungry.

Stuart McPherson and Donald Alexander. Image shows from L to R: Stuart McPherson, Donald Alexander.Stuart McPherson

I'd ask for a time machine to go back and 'write' James Acaster's joke about the loophole of asking a genie for unlimited genies.

Stuart Mitchell: Gordon Ramsay's Karma Cafe. Stuart Mitchell.Stuart Mitchell

A £1 coin for every flyer I was handed in Edinburgh.

Susan Harrison Is a Bit Weepy. Susan Harrison.Susan Harrison

More time - no hang on, I mean more audience members! Damnit. Too late. Should've said more wishes.

Tamsyn Kelly: You're Welcome. Tamsyn Kelly.Tamsyn Kelly

I'd ask to know the Genie's history and how they got round to learning how to do wishes. What uni do you go to for that? My money's on Plymouth.

The Delightful Sausage: Regeneration Game. Image shows from L to R: Amy Gledhill, Chris Cantrill.The Delightful Sausage

Probably clean up all that bloody plastic in the oceans. Not really, we'd merge to become a two headed, winged serpent who would do everyone a favour and fly away with Tony Blair. We'd keep him alive but the great news is, he'd wish he wasn't.

The Gin Chronicles In New York.The Gin Chronicles In New York

Robert Blackwood: ‚ÄčThat the NHS would be properly funded for evermore. I know this is British Comedy Guide, but laughter isn't always the best medicine.


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