Something I've just knocked up inspired by England's performance tonight. Not my usual material...

EXT: PORTAKABIN CHANGING ROOMS NEXT TO A FOOTBALL PLAYING FIELD. A TEAM IN RED EMERGES FROM THE “HOME”. THE GOALKEEPER IN YELLOW SHIRT IN CONVERSATION WITH HIS TEAMMATE DEFENDER AS THEY RUN TOWARDS THE PITCH.

DEFENDER: Let’s play better than Spurs did on Saturday, eh?

GOALKEEPER: Bollocks, Better than Arsenal any day!

DEFENDER: Gooners rule, loser!

THE AWAY TEAM EMERGE FROM THEIR PORTAKABIN, ALL IN YELLOW. THE REFEREE JOINS THE TEAMS ON THE PITCH AND SUMMONS THE HOME TEAM’S GOALKEEPER TO HIM WITH A BLOW ON HIS WHISTLE.

REFEREE (pointing at shirts of away team and goalkeeper): You’ll have to change. There’s a clash.

THE DEFENDER BUTS IN TO HELP.

DEFENDER: I’ve got a spare goalie shirt, but it’s Arsenal. Seaman on the back. You okay with that?

THE GOALKEEPER LOOKS RELUCTANT BUT THE REFEREE POINTS AT HIS WATCH TO HURRY THINGS UP. THE DEFENDER RUNS OFF TO GET HIS SHIRT.

CUT TO:

EXT: FOOTBALL GOALMOUTH. YELLOW TEAM ATTACK AND SCORE PAST THE GOALKEEPER. AS HE PICKS THE BALL OUT OF THE NET WE SEE THE BACK OF HIS ORANGE GOALKEEPER’S JERSEY: A LARGE NUMBER 1, WITHOUT A NAME ON THE BACK - BUT A HUGE TRAIL OF FRESH-LOOKING SPUNK TRAILS DOWN THE SHIRT.

STRIKER (O.S): Back of the net! Come on!

END

Good, but I don't know if you need all the stuff at the beginning. You just need the teams running out then onto the referee pointing to the goalkeeper and asking him to change.

Quote: Rosco @ February 7, 2007, 11:08 PM

Good, but I don't know if you need all the stuff at the beginning. You just need the teams running out then onto the referee pointing to the goalkeeper and asking him to change.

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He shoots...I liked it. Agree with last post.

Agree it could be tightened but I liked it, despite the fact that I saw it coming. Not sure how easy it would be to get the joke across on film though.

Quote: steve by any other name @ February 8, 2007, 8:26 AM

, despite the fact that I saw it coming.

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You rascal you.

Can't help but think of that great footballing moment when the player 'Penas' tried to lob Seaman (cue childish chuckle).
Could be trimmed as mentioned above and I guess most people will see it..errr...approaching.
How about this for a laugh...there is a Russian Linesman and he gives a goal where the ball never actaully crossed the line...oh no, wait..that's already been done.
Andy (the Jock!)
P

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As said, you don't need the build-up, just have him in a yellow Spurs goalie top and the defender saying 'It's Arsenal though' and the goalie acting forlorn.

It was a bit predictable though, once you mentioned Seaman I knew where it was going.

Dan

I meant to add also that Seaman no longer plays football anymore.

And to add to Andy W's comment, it reminds me of an old football joke about Celtic looking to sign David Weir. That way they could have a back three of Weir, Tebily, Shite (Raphael from Brazil)

I still laugh at Currie and Rice playing for Forrest.

it reminds me of a joke also, Why does Posh spice love David Beckham? because he can lob seaman from 40 yards, (i naver said it was a good joke), the sketch is predictable, but funny, it is quite visual, but it would have worked better in the days he played, but it made me laugh, and it would be really good visually

Cheers for the comments. I confess to being pissed when I posted and in the cold harsh light of the following night I don't rate it much myself. As has been said, too slow an entry (oo-er) and once "Seaman" comes out we we all know how it will end up messily. This sketch is going to the bottom of my pile.
Apart from anything, it was too similar to the old joke from, I think, the 1998 World Cup, when England's women fans were urging Glenn Hoddle to change goalie. Most women, it seems, preferred Flowers to Seaman.