Hi,
Feel more than free to comment on this sketch. Thanks.

EXT. DAY.A SUBURBAN CUL-DE-SAC.

A GOTH/DEATH METAL TEENAGE COUPLE ARE APPROACHING THE HOUSE OF THE BOY’S FATHER.

Girl:
So what’s your dad like?

Boy:
He’s like, well square. Don’t ask him about music or anything.

Girl:
I bet he’ll be really shocked at the music we’re into

Boy:
Oh, totally.

HE OPENS THE DOOR. THEY GO IN AND DAD IS SITIING ON THE COUCH READING THE PAPER IN HIS SLIPPERS AND CARDIGAN.

Dad:
Hello, so you must be Rachel – pleased to meet you. Glad Steven’s got himself a fellow heavy rocker.

THE TEENAGERS GIGGLE.

Dad:
It’s all heavy rock, this gothic, dark stuff. You may think these bands are shocking but I’m unshockable. Go on, which bands do you like?

Girl:
Er, Christ Fist and Bleeding Corpse Cock, what else Steven?

Dad:
That’s just like Black Sabbath in my day -

Boy:
Er, Suicide Bummer, Kill The Old, Menstrual Gargle.

Dad:
Right. Let’s see if my new music can shock you!

Boy:
Your new music?

Dad:
I’m starting up my own band. It’s called Faeces for My Foetus. I’ll go and get changed.

THE TEENAGERS GIGGLE AND SIT CLOSE TOGETHER ON THE COUCH.

Boy:
This is gonna be well embarrassing.

CAPTION: 5 MINUTES LATER.

DAD COMES DOWNSTAIRS WITH A GUITAR AND AMP. HE IS DRESSED IN EXACTLY THE SAME CLOTHES BUT THEY HAVE BEEN CUT UP AND SPRAYED IN SILLY STRING. HE HAS SMEARED LIPSTICK ALL OVER HIS FACE AND PAINTED HIS NOSE BLUE. HE PLUGS IN THE GUITAR AND STARTS THRASHING IT, WITHOUT FORMING CHORDS. HE STARTS SINGING IN A SATANIC, GUTTURAL TONE, LIKE REAL DEATH METAL BANDS

Dad:
Fellatin’ satan,
Crucify your mother, hate ‘em
Where’s my kids I ate ‘em –

CUT TO THE KIDS LOOKING BEYOND DISTURBED AS HE THRASHES A MINOR POWER CHORD, THEN REACHES DOWN THE BACK OF HIS TROUSERS. HE PULLS OUT SOME OF HIS OWN FAECES AND HURLS IT AT THE YOUNG COUPLE. HE STARTS HEADBUTTING A NEARBY BISCUIT TIN. CLOSE UP OF DAD CHOMPING WHOLE RAW EGGS.

THE KIDS FLEE THE HOUSE. AND DAD CAN BE SEEN PRESSING HIS NOW BLOOD-SODDEN FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW, MAKING DEEP, INFERNAL SOUNDS.
CUT TO THE TEENAGERS RUNNING UP THE CUL-DE-SAC AS A DISTANT SIREN WAILS.
CUT

My fav bit is these lyrics

Dad:
Fellatin’ satan,
Crucify your mother, hate ‘em
Where’s my kids I ate ‘em –

Its very funny Fred.

You know I can get my son's to do anything for me, all I have to do is remind them where they came from, how they got there and how many stitches I had.
If by some chance that does'nt work, standing with my legs bent, making whooshing and gushing motions with my arms from the womb area toward the floor, squealing in pain, usualy does the trick.xxx

Glad it pleases you, Charley. Please don't hurl your own faeces at your children, though. The psychological damage will make them shoot up the school!

I was half expecting it to end with the line:

"So what do you call an act like this?"

"The Aristocrats"

Eh?

'The Aristocrats' its like the oldest joke that stand-ups do and try to out do each other with. There was a film on it out a year or so ago, if you a look up in google I'm sure you'll find info on it.

Basically it involves a family auditioning some sort of act in front of judges and the comedian describes them doing really 'sick and twisted' stuff and then at the end the judge says "So what do you call an act like this?" and they say "The Aristocrats"...your sketch just reminded me a little of it with the Dad doing some sick stuff lol.