Here's the next bit of my Street Theatre draft sitcom script, for those who didn't read the first part you can see it here https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/696

STREET THEATRE - 'AND THEN THERE WAS CURRY' PART 2

SCENE 3

INT. LORETTA'S HOUSE – NIGHT
STEVEN KNOCKS ON LORETTA'S FRONT DOOR AND SHE OPENS

LORETTA
Hi

STEVEN
Hey, how you doing, you ready to go eat?

LORETTA
Well I was thinking about what you said earlier

STEVEN
Oh no what did I say?

LORETTA
You know about restuarants being all prentious and that and I thought yeah maybe he's right, who needs somebody else telling us what we should eat

STEVEN
Ha exactly..you're amazing..so where are we going instead?..We're not doing the cider thing under the bridge are we?

LORETTA
No..I've cooked us a home meal..I want you to try out my new recipe

STEVEN
Oh you do?

LORETTA
Yeah, forget the restaurant, there's nothing better than my home cooking, I'm telling you, you'll love it

STEVEN
Okay, what the hell

LORETTA
Great..come on in

STEVEN ENTERS LORETTA'S HOUSE

STEVEN
So, what you cooked?

LORETTA
Chicken Curry

STEVEN
Curry?

LORETTA
Yeah..why what's the matter..you don't want it?

STEVEN
Oh no no..of course I want it, I love curry, especially of the chicken variety..lets tuck in

(There may be another Scene added here later about Harriette's plot)

SCENE 4

INT. LORETTA's DINING ROOM – NIGHT
STEVEN AND LORETTA ARE SAT AT THE DINING TABLE READY TO START EATING

LORETTA
Mmm, this is pretty good, what do you think?

STEVEN
Erm..you know actually I've just got to make a quick call..

LORETTA
Oh come on not at the dinner table, just take a taste..I guarantee once you've tasted it you'll forget all about the call

STEVEN
Ha I also guarantee that (he prods at the curry with his fork before eventually putting a piece in his mouth and chewing)..Mmm (pretends to enjoy it)..this, this is really good

LORETTA
You think so, it's not too spicy?

STEVEN
Spicy, ha are you kidding me, nope no spicy, if anything it's not spicy enough

LORETTA
Really?..I thought it may be a little too spicy

STEVEN
Well you know..I am a 'man', I like my food to be 'really' spicy

LORETTA
Oh, well in that case I've got some Mexican Chilli sauce that you can add to it

STEVEN
Oh no that's okay, I don't want to disturb your meal

LORETTA
No honestly it's no trouble, I'll just go and get it

STEVEN
(False enthusiastic smile) Great

LORETTA LEAVES THE DINING ROOM TO GO GET THE SAUCE, STEVEN TAKES OUT HIS MOBILE PHONE AND CALLS JASON

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) Come on, pick up, pick up..Jason thank god, you've gotta help me

JASON (V.O)
What, what is it?

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) I'm eating CURRY over here

JASON (V.O)
Curry? But you hate curry

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) I know I hate curry

JASON (V.O)
Why the hell did you order curry?

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) I didn't 'order' curry

JASON (V.O)
Then why are you eating curry?

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) We didn't go to the restaurant, Loretta decided to cook instead, and I could hardly say 'no I don't want to eat your food'

JASON (V.O)
Why not?..You don't like curry

STEVEN
(INTO PHONE) It would've been impolite, anyway just ring me back and pretend there's an emergency and that I've gotta come straight away, right she's coming back..RING ME (He turns off his phone and puts it in his pocket)

LORETTA
Sorry about that I couldn't remember where I last put it..

STEVEN
Oh that's okay, I can live without it

LORETTA
But then I realised where I left it and here it is (pulls out the chilli sauce from behind her back and shakes it front of Stevens face) Spicy Spicy

STEVEN
Spicy..spicy

LORETTA SITS BACK DOWN TO THE TABLE AND THEN STEVEN'S PHONE RINGS

STEVEN
Oh I wonder who this could be..Hello, oh hi Jason, look this better be important I'm enjoying the finest curry the world has on offer over here

LORETTA
(Whispering) What does he want?

STEVEN
What's that Jason? (Confused by what Jason has said) My..Mother's just died?

LORETTA
Your Mother's just died!

STEVEN
(Shocked) MY MOTHER's JUST DIED (Turns off phone)

LORETTA
Oh my god Steven, I'm so sorry

STEVEN
Look I best go..I'm really sorry about this

LORETTA
No don't be sorry, you go..hey do you wanna take the curry with you in a doggy back incase you get peckish on the drive home

STEVEN
You know what..I don't really feel like eating right now

LORETTA
No, no of course not..another time maybe

STEVEN
Yeah another time

SCENE 5

INT. STEVEN'S FLAT – NIGHT
JASON IS SAT WATCHING SOME PLASTIC SURGERY DOCUMENTARY ON TV WHEN STEVEN ENTERS THE FLAT

JASON
Aha..Mr Curry Man is back, you know you owe me big time for getting you out of this disaster

STEVEN
(Confused) My Mother just died

JASON
You what?

STEVEN
My MOTHER just DIED!..what were you thinking?

JASON
What? You told me to make up an exuse, an emergency..I just said the first thing that popped into my head

STEVEN
Oh and the first thing that popped into your head was the thought of my Mother dying, well thank you very much

JASON
Well you didn't have to repeat what I said

STEVEN
I was shocked by what you was saying and it just came out

JASON
Well that's not my fault

STEVEN
But you didn't even have to say anything, I could've just pretended you said something and made up the excuse myself

JASON
It just came out

STEVEN
What am I going to do now?

JASON
Look, I don't see what the big deal is, you didn't have to eat the curry

STEVEN
The big deal is that now Loretta who you know is a member of the female species that has managed to not only talk to me, but actually likes me..now thinks that my Mother's dead..I really like this girl and now to be with her, for the rest of my life I have to pretend that my own Mother is dead whenever I'm with her

JASON
Well it's better than going your whole life pretending you like curry

STEVEN

How is it better?..What happens when she asks to meet my Father..(Mimicking a phone call) 'Oh Hi Mum and Dad, I'm going to be bringing my new girlfriend Loretta up to visit at the weekend..but if it's no problem Mother could you please live in the shed until after we've left..you see Loretta thinks that you're dead!'..What if she asks to come to the funeral?

JASON
Let her come

STEVEN
There is no funeral!

JASON
Look don't blame me, you should've just told her that you don't like curry

STEVEN
I wanted to make a good first impression, I couldn't exactly tell her that I didn't like her home cooking, women take much pride in their cooking, it's a definate no-no telling them that it's bad on a first date..it's like going on a first date with Jennifer Aniston and telling her you don't like her movies

JASON
You don't like Jennifer Aniston movies?

STEVEN
Meh

JASON
How come?

STEVEN
Hmm..bit samey

JASON
What cos she always plays Rachael from 'Friends'

STEVEN
Yeah..

JASON
Well, you know what you're going to have to do dont ya?

STEVEN
Tell her the truth?

JASON
No..kill your Mother (laughs)

STEVEN
(Starts to laugh) I'm such an idiot

JASON
By the way, what type of curry was it?

STEVEN
(Just stares at Jason with a stern face)

JASON
What? I was only asking

YAY!!! I liked it, one thing the jenifer aniston bit took me out of the rant a bit I would trim that but apart from that top notch really enjoyed it

Yeah the Jennifer Aniston bit was added later actually, the reason I put it in was because in the first scene Steven makes a comment about Robin Williams movies, so I kind of wanted to set up a small theme with him disliking lots of actors.

But anyway glad you liked it Gavin, thanks for reading.

It's potentially very enjoyable. Try to make it less Americanised and trim the dialogue. To be honest, I found the premise rather unfunny (someone not liking curry) but you handle the narrative and the dialogue with ease and warmth. I'm looking forward to the next installment, Martin.

Thanks for reading Fred. Yeah I can see why you'd find the premise not funny, but it comes from my own personality of been a picky eater and having a strong dislike for 'curry' so that's why I wrote the episode about it, I thought it would be funny seeing how much disaster could be caused just by somebody not liking a particular food.

When you say 'trim the dialouge' what do you actually mean, cut the amount of things the characters say? Add more visual stuff rather than constant dialouge?

All this feedback is very much appreciated by the way.

Trim the dialogue by cutting out some of the banter. On another draft I would hope that you would bring out more of the quirks of the characters. Remember, these people are street artists - they do daft stuff! I recently spke to someone who organised some street theatre on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict! That's beyond Legz Akhimbo from the League of Gentlemen!
You've got so much to work with here, Martin.

Thanks Fred, yeah I see where your coming from. I'm going to be writing another episode soon which will focus more on their street performing, but I didnt want the full series to just focus on their 'street work' you see, I wanted to kind of follow the characters in everyday life situations and see how they acted based on the type of life they live.

Any more for any more?

Thought this had a good flow to it, fast and witty. Can see what fred means about the curry thing, but can see where your coming from as well, something small leading to something big in a true Seinfeld style and anticipate this all leading up to some major disaster!

I enjoyed it. I love the relationship betwen Steven & Jason, and I hope their comical banter continues throughout .
In my mind i felt that Loretta knew her curry was not going down so well,purposely made him sweat about the sauce eg

LORETTA:
But then I realised where I left it and here it is (pulls out the chilli sauce from behind her back and shakes it front of Stevens face) Spicy Spicy
Then another eg
LORETTA
No don't be sorry, you go..hey do you wanna take the curry with you in a doggy bag incase you get peckish on the drive home

Also to me she knows that the dead mother was a bunch of bollox. I would so have her working that dead mother thing. Imagine the material you could use. Fantabulous!!
If you want to get some girls into your stuff, we like cunning women .

I always see anyone called Loretta as a sparky feisty sarcastic minx.

Just my opinion. If you look at alot of girlfriends & wives in sitcoms, they always know the truth about their men. Always. xx

look forward to more.

Thanks Matthew and Charely.

About the Loretta character she is the kind of naive type so does genuinely believe him about the Mother stuff, I mean she chose to go on a date with this guy based on a 1 minute chat while he was busking, so she must be pretty crazy lol.

Harriette on the otherhand who is not as involved in this episode as she will be in others is more of the female character you're describing, but also very wacky, but she can tell when people are lying.

Anymore for anymore...

I enjoyed this.

I'm sensing lot of Seinfeldian influences here (definitely not a bad thing in my book) - the curry eating scene reminds of the episode where Jerry feels compelled to eat mutton so as not to offend a potential girlfriend. I'm guessing you've established in earlier scenes that Steven has an aversion to spicy food?

I think there may be a slight tendency to over-labour a point - the exchange when Steven confronts Jason about the excuse he has concocted could maybe have been trimmed down a little and ended with a funnier reason as to why he had chosen Steven's dead mother as the excuse. Hope that's constructive.

Overall it's the kind of thing I like and I'd be happy to read more - nice one. Nice one.

Cheers Bohannon, yeah its definately influenced by Seinfeld, dont think I've seen the episode where Jerry feels the need to eat mutton but if its too similair this episode will be getting scrapped lol, I hate knowing something has already done the same thing and I know thats hard nowadays but I like to be original as I can.

Also I can see where you're coming from with the 'trimming down' bit, I will look into that.

But yeah thanks for reading buddy.

Wahoooooooo! Cant wait to see Harriet's character. As soon as please.xx

Harriette had a small part in Scene 2, but she will be used a whole lot more in other episodes. I'll post the next part of this episode up later, Harriette is involved in it.