Diagnosis Death

SCENE 32. DIAGNOSIS DEATH

DOCTOR:
I’m afraid its bad news Mr Firth. The surgery did not work and I don’t know quite how to tell you this but you are dead.

MR FIRTH:
Dead? But if I’m dead why am I still here talking to you?

DOCTOR:
That’s the good news; although you are clinically dead it does not appear to have had any adverse effects.

MR FIRTH:
But I’m dead

DOCTOR:
Yes

MR FIRTH:
And there is nothing you can do to make me better

DOCTOR:
Well no, you are only the second person in history who has had this condition.

MR FIRTH:
Second?

DOCTOR:
Yes the first recorded case was a man, of similar age called Jesus. You may have heard of him. Can I ask have you talked to God recently?

MR FIRTH:
Well when I was told I had cancer, I prayed a lot

DOCTOR:
But you haven’t talked to God on a personal basis?

MR FIRTH:
No

DOCTOR:
Well that rules out Second Coming Syndrome. Erm I suspect you want to tell your wife you are dead.

MR FIRTH:Not particularly, I’d rather you tell me how I can be treated now I’m dead.

DOCTOR:
Paraldehyde usually works. Sorry that was a bad joke. I’m afraid Mr Firth we really can’t do anything for you.

MR FIRTH:
Nothing at all

DOCTOR:
Well you could take some paracetamol.

good idea, personally I'd chop it down a bit got a good punchline. It kinda circles the same area. I'd go radical

SCENE 32. DIAGNOSIS DEATH

DOCTOR:
I’m afraid its bad news Mr Firth. The surgery did not work and I don’t know quite how to tell you this but you are dead.

MR FIRTH:
Dead? But if I’m dead why am I still here talking to you?

DOCTOR:
That’s the good news; although you are clinically dead it does not appear to have had any adverse effects.

MR FIRTH:
But I’m dead

DOCTOR:
Yes

MR FIRTH:
And there is nothing you can do to make me better

DOCTOR:
Well you could take some paracetamol.

Thats personal opinion though Fella

I'll get my scissors out.