I went to the Doctors, he said, say ahhh, I said, why, he said, my dog's died

I'm on a whiskey diet, I've lost three days already.

Is that first joke actually a Tommy Cooper joke? Or a Tim Vine joke?

I went to see the doctor and said: "Hey doc it hurts when I do this" and he said "Well don't do that" ha hah ha ha!

"So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Authur's Close'. He said, 'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'

Griff. Tell us a few.
Nick. Does it matter?

Thanks for that Griff. had to put this one up from the site as it is now responsible for my laptop being covered in tea!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

It is kind of bizarre than an awful lot of jokes on those sites are actually Tim Vine jokes and were never performed by Cooper. It only matters to the same extent that knowing who performed or wrote any joke matters.

I said to the stage manager i'm feel a little funny, he said well get on quick before it wares off.

No joke is original, they are all just variations of a theme.

I asked my dentist what I should do about my yellow teeth. He said, wear a brown tie

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."

I loved Tommy Cooper but he never made me belly laugh. Ultimate respect for him though. I need the likes of Bill Hicks, Eddie murphy & Chris Rock to make me hold my sides.

That's true,My mother thought he was just silly. It's like putting stuff up on this forum, some like it, some think it rubbish.

I went to the doctors, i said i think i'm loosing my memory. He said what makes you say that? I said say what?

I said doc you have to help me out. He said why? I said i can't remember how i got in

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"

"Because I have AIDS" the Horse replies. (Okay, maybe not Tommy Cooper)

Quote: Charley @ January 21, 2008, 4:02 PM

I loved Tommy Cooper but he never made me belly laugh. Ultimate respect for him though. I need the likes of Bill Hicks, Eddie murphy & Chris Rock to make me hold my sides.

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I'm pretty much the opposite of this, love Cooper to the point where I cry with laughter. American stuff, especially Murphy just leaves me cold. Just bought the box set of Pryor who is supposed to be the Daddy of that type so hopefully that will convert me.