The Force

Another radio sketch. Hopefully not too long.

ATMOS:​ BUDDHIST CHANTING.

F/X:​ HUGE WOOD DOOR OPENING. FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ACROSS A STONE FLOOR.

APPRENTICE:​ Master, after years of search, I have found the path to wisdom!

MASTER:​ Are you certain?

APPRENTICE: ​I am. I travelled through forests, deserts and mountains. I have meditated before the snow, sea and stars and I am now in touch with that mystical essence you sent me to find. The force that is invisible and ungraspable! The force that knows all that is known! The force that unites all people together!

MASTER:​ Ahhh. So, you were able to connect to the WiFi then?

APPRENTICE:​ Yes, I hav... What?

ATMOS:​ BUDDHIST CHANTING STOPS.

MASTER:​ Yes, WiFi. The force that is invisible and ungraspable. That force that knows all that is known. The force that unites all people together... Don't know why I didn't just call it WiFi in the first place.

APPRENTICE:​ I- I'm not talking about WiFi. I'm talking about something more sacred, more eternal, more knowledgeable.

MASTER:​ More knowledgeable than WiFi? I don't know about that. I mean, I googled yesterday: What was the fattest hamster ever and it got me an answer pretty quick. Can your other force you found do that?

APPRENTICE:​ Well... no.

MASTER:​ Hm. Think WiFi is better then.

APPRENTICE:​ No. Master, I don't doubt your wisdom or your authority over me, but I must-

MASTER:​ Yes, another thing: You don't have to call me master.

APPRENTICE:​ But you are my master.

MASTER:​ Well... In a way, sure. I'm your Boss. But only when we're both working together at this garden centre. Master sounds... a bit much.

APPRENTICE:​ How about Guru, then? Sensei? Wise One?

MASTER:​ Kevin is fine.

APPRENTICE:​ Kevin. Kev... in.

MASTER:​ Yes. So, what question did you ask me originally that sent you on your trip?

APPRENTICE:​ Oh, I asked you, "What is the meaning of li-" No, it wasn't that. Erm... "How can we bring inner peace to.." No. Wasn't that either. The question was... Oh, it was... "Can I have a coffee break?"

MASTER:​ A coffee break?

APPRENTICE:​ Yes. The timetable was recently moved to the company website. Guess that's why you told me I'd have to find the, er, mystical force.

MASTER:​ Oh. Don't know why I was so harsh. You can choose when you take your one-a-day coffee break.

APPRENTICE:​ Really?

MASTER:​ Yes. Although, technically, you have just been on a break for two years.

APPRENTICE:​ Well, I was searching for wisdom, for tranquillity, for enlightenment. Can you really call that a break?

MASTER:​ Were you selling plastic furniture at the same time?

APPRENTICE:​ No.

MASTER:​ Then no.

APPRENTICE:​ Oh. Then I guess I'll get back to work?

MASTER:​ You should. You have time to make up after all that doing whatever it was you were doing. I'll head off home.

F/X:​ FOOTSTEPS LEAVING ACROSS A STONE FLOOR.

MASTER:​ Don't worry, I'll get Jaime to take over when your shift's over - in the next six months.

END

Not bad. It's one of the those sketches where the funniest part is the central concept, but you have no choice but to announce it early. You've made a good effort to put it little mini-gags thereafter, and the end works, but nothing's as amusing as the idea that the cosmic force is WiFi. It's a bummer when this happens.

Cheers Gappy. I was wondering if that was the case or not - I liked the WiFi joke, but wasn't sure if it was good enough to overshadow things.

I could possibly trim little bits here or there. Or maybe end the sketch a little after the fattest hamster bit.

Actually, I recently sent this sketch (along with a few others) to a comedy producer, so may hear his thoughts on this sketch soon.