SCENE. DOWNING ST FLAT
Boris is sat on the sofa with a black eye. Carrie is at the window looking out at the reporters across the street.

BORIS
I can't believe I walked into the kitchen cabinet door

CARRIE
Never mind that! You know I'm going to get the blame, the media will have field day

BORIS
I'll just tell them the truth about what happened and laugh it off

CARRIE
Like they'll believe you! You had to spit on your Mother's grave just to get Ree's Mogg to believe you when you rang to tell him!

BORIS
I could put some of your make up over it

CARRIE
For f**ks sake have you got any idea how much worse that will make it

BORIS
Well I can't tell the truth and I can't hide it so what can I do

CARRIE
Well we can't use Covid again we've all had it about 5 times already and besides they know you don't bother with isolation when you have it anyway.

BORIS
Can I have my mobile back please

CARRIE
What for you know you only get into trouble with it

BORIS
I have a plan. I know exactly who to call

CARRIE
Who

BORIS
Watch and trust me for once

Carrie eyerolls as Boris dials a number and it answers

BORIS
Hello, Nadine can you come over and do me a massive favour please

I know you're drunk I've got a telly. Get an Uber the tax- payer will pay.

I need you to say that I told you I was thinking of resigning, and you hit me and brought me back to my senses.

Then I say that I forgive you because you have given me and the entire party a new resolve.

Thanks

CARRIE
What did she say

BORIS
She's on her way over

CARRIE
But if she says that she'll get nicked and go to jail so she won't be able to go on telly to defend you

Boris
Duas aves uno lapide...
Two birds with one stone