INT. AEROPLANE COCKPIT - DAY
The cockpit of a commercial airliner. A PILOT and CO-PILOT (both 40s) sit in their respective seats. The Pilot speaks into his headset.
Affirmative. Mike Alpha 3-4-5 descending as requested. We will stand by for our new heading.
The Pilot adjusts some instruments. Silence. The Co-Pilot looks over to the Pilot, grinning.
The Pilot grimaces, but ignores him, checking over his instruments. The Co-Pilot, still grinning, taps him on the arm.
Still no response. The Pilot grits his teeth slightly.
(with a smirk)
I spy, with my little eye--
--Something beginning with...'C'--
For fu--Clouds! Clouds, Frank! Ok? Every day, you play the same stupid little game, and it's always - always! - sodding clouds!
No, wait, Terry, I--
I get it, ok? I mean, I get what you're saying here. Being a pilot is very, very boring! You see the fancy adverts, where they're all square-jawed adonises striding through airports with sexy blonde stewardesses draped over each arm, ready to fly out to another glamorous sun-kissed destination, and then you actually get in the cockpit, and it's just endless shuttle runs to sodding Krakow in the pissing rain!
Nah, come on. Seriously. I spy, with my--
I mean, don't get me wrong, Krakow is a lovely city. Beautiful architecture, cheap bars, friendly locals, me and Yvonne had a lovely long weekend there about five years ago. But it's not exactly a fortnight in the crystal-clear waters of the south Pacific, is it?
Terry, mate, just, can you--?
So, yeah, I get it. We just sit here. Every day. Watching all these little buttons and dials. And loads and loads of sodding clouds!
Terry, please: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with--
The door to the cockpit opens. A STEWARDESS (40s) enters with a tray of food, and immediately screams and points out the cockpit window.
The Pilot looks up and screams. The screen goes black.
INT. BOARDROOM - DAY
A group of EXECUTIVES (all 50s) sit around a large boardroom table. At the head of the table, an ENGINEER (30s) finishes playing a recording from his laptop.
And, um, the recording ends there. That's all we were able to get from the black box.
The executives look at each other, worried.
Well, this doesn't look good at all.
Agreed. This cannot be allowed to get out into the public domain. It would be the end of Majestic Airlines.
Yes. If the families of the deceased were to find out that their loved ones perished because of a harmless game of I Spy gone tragically wrong, the compensation payments would pretty much bankrupt us.
Not to mention the wider questions from the press about why they were using I Spy as their primary form of cockpit communication in a crisis situation.
It worked so well to keep track of all the clouds, this just seemed like a logical cost-saving step at the last AGM!
Still, if this leaked out, we'd have to scale back our plans for our new Transatlantic services entirely, and focus on bleeding as much profit out of shuttle runs to Krakow as we can.
Ugh. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a marvellous city. Dripping in history, remarkable culture. But it's not the sort of thing that airline empires were built on, is it?
So, we're all agreed. This recording does not leave this room.
Um, it's just, the--The board of inquiry have already requested a copy. Three times. We're running out of excuses.
The Executives consider this for a moment.
Gentlemen, I may have a solution.
I Spy, with my little eye, something beginning with 'A'...
INT. TV NEWS STUDIO - DAY
A severe NEWSREADER (30s) sits in front of an even more severe newsroom desk.
The conclusion of a six week inquiry into the catastrophic fire that gutted Majestic Airlines headquarters and resulted in the collapse of a tangentially-related six week inquiry into the crash of Flight 345.
The Newsreader turns to one side, where the Majestic Airlines CEO (50s) sits, ready for an interview.
The CEO of Majestic Airlines, Sir Phillip McBoatface--
--Joins me here in the studio. Sir Phillip, your reaction to today's news?
Naturally, all of us at Majestic Airlines are deeply saddened by the loss, both of our generously insured headquarters, and also any remaining evidence of the final moments of Flight 345, whose fate will now forever remain a mystery. Forever.
But, even on this day of sadness, I would like to formally announce that Majestic Airlines plans to triple our daily flights to Krakow from next month. A fascinating city, steeped in--
And what about these fresh rumours on social media about the arson attack?
What...um, what rumours?
That the fire was actually started inside the boardroom itself, on the day that the evidence from Flight 345 was scheduled to be sent from your headquarters, to the board of inquiry?
The CEO pauses and licks his lips.
Sir Phillip? You seem to be sweating an awful lot.
The CEO remains silent. He squirms in his chair.
Sir Phillip? Do you have an answer?
I spy...with my...little eye...
What are you doing--?
...Something beginning...with 'G'!
The CEO reaches for something under the desk, the Newsreader jumps up in fright.
Jesus! He's got a--!
INT. PRISON CELL - NIGHT
The CEO sits in a chair, looking out into the distance.
Gun. I...don't even know what I was thinking. What compelled me to bring it to the studio in the first place. I just...I panicked.
I never meant to hurt anyone...
REVEAL: The CEO is strapped to an electric chair. A PRISON GUARD approaches the chair.
Before we carry out your sentence, do you have any final words?
The CEO looks around at a small assembled CROWD.
...I, um, don't suppose anyone fancies a game of I Spy?