British Comedy Guide

The New Avengers

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Steve Sunshine

  • Tuesday 8th June 2021, 8:37pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,878 posts

THOR AND DOCTOR STRANGE ARE SITTING IN DOCTOR STRANGES LIVING ROOM THOR IS CHECKING HIS WATCH AS DR STRANGE MAGICALLY REFILLS THORS LARGE GLASS WITH BEER WITH JUST A SWISH OF HIS HAND.

Dr Strange: I thought it was time we discussed the future of the Avengers my borderline alcoholic Norse friend

THOR: Where are the others?

THOR: Well there isn't many of us left, Hulk won't be able to join us today Thor he's having his second Covid jab, the first one was fine but he was Dr Banner back then, and as he's the Hulk now they are having to use a short range ballistic missile just to pierce the skin

THOR: I know, I offered to let them use my hammer but none of them could lift it

Dr Strange: The Avengers numbers have dwindled so much since we fought the Evil Thanos,

THOR: Ah yes Thanos! probably the second most Evil person in the Universe to ever try to put on a glove

Dr Strange: Maybe third,

THOR:: Oh yes my mistake

Dr Strange : Anyway as I say, times are grave old friend according to my calculations there are only 4 capable Superheroes left in the Avengers! Apart from you the Hulk and I, there's only Spiderman. it's imperative that we urgently recruit more members

THOR: Don't forget Antman he should be here any moment

Dr Strange : Ah yes of course, how could I forget Antman ok that makes 5

HAWKEYE ENTERS:
HAWKEYE: That's not all you're forgetting guys .

THOR: Really who are we forgetting? (Aside To Dr Strange) "this is lucky this guy knows a load of Superheroes", Who else have we forgotten old friend

HAWKEYE: Well er....me for a start

THOR AND DR STRANGE BOTH LAUGH AND THEN STOP WHEN THEY REALISE HAWKEYE IS SERIOUS

THOR: Ah yes of course, we hoped, I mean thought you'd retired (Whispers to Strange) write down 5 and a half.

Dr Strange: Losing Captain America was a massive blow for the team

CAPTAIN AMERICA ENTERS

CAP: Well sometimes lost things can be found again

THOR: Aah look it's the Falcon wearing a tribute Suit in Steve Rogers memory, a nice touch there, we all miss him Falcon

CAP: You don't understand I am no longer the Falcon I am now Captain America

Dr Strange: So what are those metal things on your back

CAP: (sheepishly ) Falcon wings

THOR: Welcome Falcon, now stop pretending to be a different superhero! That's like me ripping my trousers and saying I'm the Hulk or acting really strange and saying that I'm Doctor Strange

Dr Strange: I'm not called that because I act strange it's actually my name

THOR: Yeah Whatever! ...weirdo....

Dr Strange Anyway where is Antman you said he'd be here

THOR: He is here look he's sitting in on the edge of the Ashtray

HAWKEYE: (Looking at the Ashtray) That's strange

THOR: No Hawkeye that's Antman, Strange is sitting there on the sofa (Aside to Dr Strange ) " Cross out the half he hasn't got a clue

HAWKEYE: No it's just strange that the Wasp is there as well and you didn't notice

Dr STRANGE: Is she?

THOR: Oh yes I see her, well spotted Bow and arrow guy

HAWKEYE: You've both been talking about not having enough Avengers but you haven't mentioned or acknowledged a single female Superhero so far. sounds a bit sexist to me

THOR: How dare you, we're not sexist, I'm giving my hammer to a fit young lady very soon, Hold on that didn't sound right.

DOCTOR STRANGE STARTS MAKING A CIRCLE OF FIRE BEHIND HIM

THOR: I'm sure we would have shoe horned a few birds in later to make up the numbers Isn't that right Doctor

Dr Strange: You're on your own here chum
DR STRANGE JUMPS THROUGH PORTAL

THOR: Come back you Weirdo! (Looks at the others) Just don't tell Captain Marvel otherwise she'll beat the shit out of me.

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Chappers

  • Tuesday 8th June 2021, 10:38pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 32,205 posts

What happened to Purdey then? Or Steed? Or that other bloke from Upstairs Downstairs who everyone forgets?

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Wednesday 9th June 2021, 7:48am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,468 posts

I'm not up to speed on Super Hero's Ste but its nice to see a piece of your work and Lazzard's as it gives us basement folk a lift to know that creativity is back on the site. I know Michaels competition has a go but its warming to see a few of the Big Guns leading the way and I hope we see more as its refreshing.

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chipolata

  • Wednesday 9th June 2021, 9:42am
  • England
  • 30,250 posts

It's a breezy entertaining read (and captures the Marvel tone) but it seems to lack a point or punchline, and seems to be just a list of ad hoc observations about the MCU.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 1:55am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,878 posts

Thanks for reading Especially Chip but not Chappers at all
This one did require a little bit of Marvel knowledge probably and was written as I went along so had no narrative plan to start with nor at the end
But I had fun, and wanted to pop back into Critique as an active member before the subscription runs out

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 6:57am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,468 posts

There's nothing like a ticking clock when it comes to motivation.