- Monday 29th October 2007, 12:54am
- Bradford, Yorkshire, England
- 1,347 posts
All the characters below are written and created by Andrew Collins &co, and are in no part herein or thereafter or evermore anything to do with me or the pope.
TIM WALKS INTO THE FLAT, LEE IS SITTING ON THE SOFA, THE CLEANER IS DUSTING LIGHTLY...VERY LIGHTLY.
TIM: There's a little boy outside for you Lee.
LEE: Thank's Tim, but it's not my birthday for a couple of months yet...besides!
what's wrong with getting me socks.?
TIM: He says you gave him the wrong change for an ice cream.
LEE: Why? Who's change did he want? Richrd Branson's.?
TIM: He's brought his father with him, he doesn't look too pleased.
LEE: Maybe he wanted an ice lolly...How big is he?
TIM: About 4ft 5.
LEE: Right! i'll sort this out.
LEE GETS UP AND WALKS TO THE CORRIDOR, WE HEAR A THUMP, FOLLOWED BY AN OUCH!
LEE WALKS BACK INTO THE FLAT HOLDING HIS NOSE.
CLEANER: Oh my God! what did he do?
TIM: Well i think we can rule out a handshake.
CLEANER: Come and sit down.
LEE: You lying git! You said he was only 4ft 5.
TIM: I meant the boy.
LEE: Did you see the size of his father?
TIM: Of course, they passed me on the stairs asking where you lived.
LEE: And you told them!?
TIM: Of course i didn't, what do you take me for?
LEE: So how did they find out where i lived?
TIM: Well the lads father gave me this note for you, and they sort of followed
LEE: Oh well thanks a lot, you should have invited him for drinks.
LUCY AND GUY WALK INTO THE FLAT.
LUCY: Lee! what happened?
TIM: Lee short changed some young lad and he brought his father round to sort
LUCY: Oh i hate violence.
GUY: I don't know, i think it goes quite well with some people.
LUCY: I'll get a damp cloth.
CLEANER: No need, i'll mop the bloodstains up later.
LUCY: I meant for his nose.
CLEANER: Shouldn't you put your head between your legs?
LEE: What for?
CLEANER: I know it's good for something.
LEE: Not like you then? Good for nothing.
TIM: You should put your head back.
LEE: I know, i know, i've had nosebleeds before.
GUY; What a surprise.
LUCY COMES BACK WITH THE CLOTH.
LUCY: Here, put this over your nose...How did he know where you lived?
LEE: He followd the homing pigeon over there.
LEE: Never mind...I think it's broken.
GUY: Really? and to think the day started so badly.
LEE: You're enjoying this aren't you?
GUY: No of course not, look for what it's worth i can't abide violence either,
i think what we need is a drink, i'll open a bottle.
CLEANER: I'll just have a small one.
LEE: You won't, you're working, dust, clean, polish, only people who pay rent on
this flat are allowed a drink, [LUCY STARES AT LEE] ok, people who are in
arrears as well.
TIM: I'll get some tumblers.
LEE: I'll give you a hand.
TIM AND LEE WALK OVER TO THE DRINKS CABINET, THEY EACH GET TWO TUMBLERS.
TIM: You know Lee, we should have done this before you went out to see the lads
TIM: Well lets face it, who'd hit a guy with glasses.?