ACCIDENTS 4 U
EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE A SUPERMARKET. A SALES REP STANDS BY HIS
SMALL WOODEN STALL WITH A HANDFUL OF LEAFLETS
F/X. SHOPPERS WALKING AND TALKING. SHOPPING TROLLEYS
REP: Excuse me, can I interest you in taking out an accident plan?
WOMAN: I think my husband's beat you to it, love
REP: Oh yeah sorry, silly me. Well, you could always take out another one?
WOMAN: No thanks darling, what with five kids at home and this one on the way
I've had more than enough accidents and anyway you're not my type
(Woman waddles away. He shrugs his shoulders and turns and bumps into a
man and falls to the ground)
REP: (Looking up) Can I interest you in taking out an accident plan, sir?
MAN: (Annoyed) Will you look where you are going?
REP: (Gets to his feet and pushes a leaflet into the man's hand)
Accidents 4 U protects you from those big nasty accidents.
With our £3 monthly payment package you will be fully protected.
REP: (Undeterred) For less than the price of a cup of a Moon Bucks
coffee you will receive a prop every month that will immunise
you from those BIG accidents
MAN: Prop? Look pal, there's more chance of me taking out your accident
plan than a grand piano landing on me from a great height
REP: It maybe a banana skin, a roller skate or a bar
MAN: Aye well, you'll be getting a prop alright, my FIST if you don't move out of
REP: (Not giving in) Well sir, I can see you are interested. For an example, you
will receive a banana skin and by following our simple instructions, you place
the skin on the ground and you step on it which will causes you to land on
MAN: Don't talk bloody daft. You'll be on YOUR backside if you don't
move out of my way (Tries to move on)
REP: (Blocks his way)
That banana skin and other little accidents combined will build up your
immune system AND all those little accidents will protect you from the big
MAN: (Scoffs) Ha, that's balderdash
REP: (Opens the leaflet)
Sir, ( punching the leaflet with his index finger)
Accidents 4 U has been scientifically tested in laboratory conditions and
has been proven to shield you from those nasty big accidents ninety five
percent of the time where our competitors can only guarantee ninety
percent. So, you see, it is worth taking ours out
MAN: (Angry) I'm going to take you out
(Pushes Rep to one side) Out of my way you idiot
F/X A SCUFFLE. THE REP FALLS INTO HIS WOODEN ADVERTISING
STALL. WOOD BREAKING.
FX FOOTSTEPS FADING, FALLING WHISTLE SOUND. CLANG, A PIANO
LANDS ON THE MAN. BROKEN PIANO KEY NOTES
FX: WOODEN BOARDS BEING REMOVED
REP: (Gets out of the tangled advertising stall and climbs to his feet and brushes
(Disdain) That didn't play too well