Quote: TheTrashBat @ 26th September 2020, 6:44 PM
Rushed a load of stinkers out just before the deadline and, quite rightly, I was rewarded with bugger all.
1. An old TV has supposedly been causing daily broadband outages for an entire village in Wales. Police have confirmed it was a vintage television and apologised for initially arresting a 67 year old transvestite.
2. Leighton Buzzard has been hit by three earthquakes in two weeks. The Government has advised local cafes to close an hour earlier in an attempt to prevent further earthquakes.
3. Tory MP Danny Kruger has been caught not wearing a mask on a train, he claims he simply forgot. Adding to the speculation all tories are bare-faced liars.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's a good week for NASA who have announced they will return to the moon by 2024. It's a better week for James Cameron who has already started designing the set.
2. It's been a bad week for the Meghan Markle lookalike who is out of a job as the royal's popularity plummets. It's been a good week for a Prince Andrew lookalike because for the first time in a long time nobody shouted "wanker" at him.
3. It's a bad week for pubs, who are being forced to close their doors at 10pm. It's a good week for me because I like to get all wasted and huggy well before ten!
I particularly liked number 2. I was wondering...would 3 work better with saying all politicians are liars as they have this NJ BBC supposed neutrality thing but then I thought it would be okay as it fits the joke and NJ seems left-leaning.
Quote: Dantrobus @ 26th September 2020, 7:55 AM
I had a similar take on this one amongst my rejected submissions too. Mine went, "Robert Gore, the inventor of Gore-tex has died. A lot of tears were shed at the funeral, but they just beaded up and rolled right off."
This works well, I think.
Quote: Moobear @ 26th September 2020, 10:48 AM
Hello, I am new to the forum. This was also the first time I had ever submitted so any feedback would be appreciated. My alpaca one liner was very similar to one used on the show which I take as encouraging.
1. President Trump speaks out on the Californian wildfires, exacerbating the issue with yet more hot-air.
2. A row has broken out in Northern Ireland around the digitalisation of historic St John's Point lighthouse. Exasperated heritage campaigners trying to shine a light on the matter say they are going round and round in blinking circles.
3. A rogue alpaca disrupted a football match in West Yorkshire this week after escaping from its enclosure. The local farmer who eventually herded the animal home downplayed the event, saying it wasn't a drama llama.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a bad week for anyone looking for a new family pet with the price of puppies during lockdown soaring to almost £2,000. It's been a good week for Cruella de Vil who's realised quite how much she could flog those 101 Dalmatians for on Gumtree.
2. It's been a bad week for the north-east of England with more stringent lockdown measures being put in place. It's been a good week for Sunderland fans, with local lockdown sparing them the ignominy of sitting in the stands for another season of League 1 football.
3.It's been a good week for Egyptian archaeologists after one of the largest discoveries of ancient sarcophagi in Saqqara. It's been a bad week for Lara Croft, as that'll be one less tomb for her to raid.
I like your jokes. I was thinking this 3 is good but a bit of a mouthful to say. You could maybe cut it down slightly, maybe. But then if it is read carefully with the right rhythm it does work, to be fair.
Really like BN 2.
Quote: MIke Cooper RP @ 25th September 2020, 5:41 PM
Only submitted two 'Breaking News' oneliners this week as my time management was absolutely shocking! Hopefully I'll be able to get at sketch away for episode 2...
Health Secretary Matt Hancock said people must obey the rules to prevent a second national lockdown warning that Britain was facing a 'Tipping Point'. Leading many voters wishing they had chosen a different column, last December.
Jon Bon Jovi revealed some of his latest tunes were penned in his home studio, which has been described as a 'stinky man cave.' The news was welcomed by fans of the band's earlier work as they are looking forward to some new cheesy numbers.
Well done to all those that got something on
Liked second, Mike.
So, overall useless feedback but I do like reading the rejects jokes..